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FAMILY CONFLICTS and CHILDREN

Oct 12, 2010
by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

It is rare for people to live together under one roof without any arguments, but reconciliation is better and correcting oneself is a virtue. What shakes the unity of the family and harms its infrastructure is when conflicts are brought out into the open before the members of the family, who then split into two or more opposing camps, not to mention the psychological harm that is done to children, especially little ones.

Think about a home where the father says to the child, "Do not speak to your mother," and the mother says to him, "Do not speak to your father." The child is confused and filled with turmoil, and the entire family lives in an atmosphere of hostility. We should try to avoid conflict, but if it happens, we should try to hide it. We ask Allaah to create love between our hearts… Ameen

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The likeness of a bad companion is like the one who works the bellows." (from a report narrated by Abu Dawood, 4829).

According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari, he said, "the one who works the bellows will burn your house or your clothes, or you will smell a bad odour from him." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 4/323).

Indeed, he will burn your home with all kinds of corruption and evil. How often has the entry of corrupt and suspicious people into a home been the cause of enmity among the family members, or of division between husband and wife. Allaah curses the one who turns a wife against her husband, or a husband against his wife, or causes enmity between a father and his children. This is how Sihr (magic, witchcraft) is brought into people’s homes, why things are sometimes stolen, and why so often morals are corrupted: it is because a person whose commitment to Islam is no good is admitted into the home. We must not let such people in, even if they are neighbours, men or women, and even if they appear to be friendly. Some people keep quiet out of embarrassment, and if they see such a person at the door, they let him in, even though they know this is one of the corrupt people.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "O people, which day is most sacred? Which day is most sacred? Which day is most sacred?". They said, "The greatest day of Hajj." Then he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Friday khutbah on that day: "Your rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone into your homes whom you dislike." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1163, and other from ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7880)..

Muslim women, you should not feel upset if your husband or father does not let one of the female neighbours into the house because he sees that she is trying to cause trouble. Be smart and be strong if someone tries to make comparisons between her husband and yours, lest that pushes you to demand things from your husband that he cannot afford. It is also your obligation to advise your husband if you notice that he has close friends who are making evil appear attractive to him..

Advice to men: Try to be at home as much as you can, because the guardian’s presence at home keeps things under control and enables him to supervise the upbringing of the family and to put things right by watching and following up. For some people, the basic thing is to be always outside of the home, and only if they cannot find some place to go do they come home. This is wrong.

If a man is constantly going out for purposes of worship, he must still strike a balance; if he is going out for the purposes of sin and wasting time, or because he is too busy with matters of this world, he must reduce his work and business commitments, and put an end to idle meetings. And how evil are those people who neglect their families and stay in nightclubs…! We do not want to fall in with the plans of the enemies of Allaah; we can learn a lot from the following paragraph of the minutes of the French Eastern Masonic lodge held in 1923:

"For the purpose of separating the individual from his family, you must eliminate morals at their root, because people are inclined to cut off their family ties and do things that are forbidden, they prefer to chat idly in cafes rather than carry out their duties towards their families."

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