It's not what you say, but the way you say it.
A husband told his wife: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."
The wife was very flattered.
What the husband had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."
IRS Audits Grandpa
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying...
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