{"id":21225,"date":"2017-09-27T09:29:59","date_gmt":"2017-09-27T07:29:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dev.radioislam.org.za\/wordpress\/2017\/09\/27\/husbands-worthy-of-honour-sabaahul-muslim-2\/"},"modified":"2017-09-27T09:29:59","modified_gmt":"2017-09-27T07:29:59","slug":"husbands-worthy-of-honour-sabaahul-muslim-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/husbands-worthy-of-honour-sabaahul-muslim-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Husbands worthy of Honour – Sabaahul Muslim"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/strong><\/p>\n

Radio Islam Programming – 27 September 2017<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sabaahul Muslim is the flagship breakfast programme on Radio Islam International that airs weekdays from 6 -9am. Every week, one contemporary issue is discussed and analysed for about 10 mins daily. The host of the programme, Ml Sulaimaan Ravat, recently discussed some tips for every husband. The discussion for that week was titled \u2018How should a husband earn his honour\u2019. Here is a summary of the points discussed and advices mentioned.<\/p>\n

How should a husband earn his honour<\/strong><\/p>\n

First friends, then spouses.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This might sound odd but we often put so much pressure on ourselves to fulfill a role (husband\/wife), that we forget to get to know each other as friends first. Every marriage will go through ups and downs, intimately and otherwise, and you\u2019ll be surprised to realize how much having a solid, sincere friendship can pull you through the hard times.<\/p>\n

One example of Nabi S.A.W.\u2019s \u201cfriendship\u201d with his wives is his relationship with Sawdah R.A. She was the first woman whom he married after the death of Khadijah, and although she was considered to be elderly compared to the other wives whom he would later marry, their relationship was one of camaraderie, confidence, and laughter.<\/p>\n

Be a leader, in the true sense.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being a true leader is not about being an authoritarian or a dictator, but someone who inspires love and respect, who treats others with dignity and respect. There are several excellent Islamic resources discussing leadership lessons from the life of Nabi S.A.W. Strive to embody the Sunnah in your character, not just in how many Rakaats a day you read or how you dress.<\/p>\n

\u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0633\u064e\u0639\u0652\u062f\u0650 \u0628\u0652\u0646\u0650 \u0647\u0650\u0634\u064e\u0627\u0645\u064d \u060c \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e : \u0633\u064e\u0623\u064e\u0644\u0652\u062a\u064f \u0639\u064e\u0627\u0626\u0650\u0634\u064e\u0629\u064e \u060c \u0631\u064e\u0636\u0650\u064a\u064e \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u064f \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652\u0647\u064e\u0627 \u060c \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u062e\u064f\u0644\u064f\u0642\u0650 \u0631\u064e\u0633\u064f\u0648\u0644\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u0650 \u0635\u064e\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u064f \u0639\u064e\u0644\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0647\u0650 \u0648\u064e\u0633\u064e\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0645\u064e , \u0641\u064e\u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e\u062a\u0652 : ” \u0643\u064e\u0627\u0646\u064e \u062e\u064f\u0644\u064f\u0642\u064f\u0647\u064f \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0642\u064f\u0631\u0652\u0622\u0646\u064e<\/strong> ” .<\/strong><\/p>\n

Saeed Bin Hishaam R.A says: \u2018I asked Aishah R.A. about the character of Nabi S.A.W. She (R.A.) said: His (S.A.W.) character was the Quraan.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Be the type of husband that a wife describes in such a manner.<\/p>\n

Possess emotional intelligence.<\/strong><\/p>\n

What is emotional intelligence? Empathy, being attuned to the other person\u2019s preferences, learning to understand their personality and responding appropriately without expecting to change them into something they\u2019re not, supporting and respecting each other as both individuals and as a team. The Prophet S.A.W. was an emotionally intelligent husband, who knew the differences in his wives\u2019 personalities and interacted with them in a manner best suited to each woman. He comforted \u1e62afiyyah R.A. when she wept; he had spirited discussions with \u00c2ishah R.A.; and he encouraged \u1e24af\u1e63ah\u2019s R.A. zeal for knowledge.<\/p>\n

In a famous narration known as the Hadith of Abu Zar,\u00a0 Aishah told Nabi S.A.W. the story of eleven women who sat together and described their husbands\u2019 qualities and behaviours. The eleventh woman, Umm Zar, described Ab\u00fb Zar as a man who was extremely generous to his wife, showering her with gifts; who went out of his way to please her; who never rebuked her or verbally abused her; who made sure that she was comfortable and satisfied. To Umm Zar, there was no greater husband than Ab\u00fb Zar. Nabi S.A.W. told \u00c2ishah R.A., I am to you as Ab\u00fb Zar was to Umm Zar, except that I will never divorce you.<\/p>\n

Why did Nabi S.A.W. say that in the end? Some scholars say that as Aishah R.A. mentioned the story, Nabi S.A.W. sensed her desire to experience that emotional attachment that Umme Zar described. This is a fine example of the emotional intelligence of Nabi S.A.W.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be ignorant of female biology.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Learn about it \u2013 from menstruation to pregnancy and everything else. You need to know this stuff \u2013 it will impact your life significantly, intimately and otherwise. Don\u2019t laugh it off or act as though it\u2019s not worth your time and attention.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Women\u2019s health is sorely misunderstood, and having a disinterested (or worse, disgusted) husband can make things even more difficult for women.<\/p>\n

Nabi S.A.W. did not shy away from these matters, either as a husband or as a Messenger of Allah. Instead, he constantly enjoined men to be aware of and sensitive to their wives\u2019 needs \u2013 just as he was with his wives.<\/p>\n

\u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0623\u064e\u0628\u0650\u064a \u0633\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0645\u064e\u0629\u064e\u060c \u0623\u064e\u0646\u0651\u064e \u0632\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0646\u064e\u0628\u064e \u0627\u0628\u0652\u0646\u064e\u0629\u064e \u0623\u064f\u0645\u0651\u0650 \u0633\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0645\u064e\u0629\u064e\u060c \u062d\u064e\u062f\u0651\u064e\u062b\u064e\u062a\u0652\u0647\u064f \u0623\u064e\u0646\u0651\u064e \u0623\u064f\u0645\u0651\u064e \u0633\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0645\u064e\u0629\u064e \u062d\u064e\u062f\u0651\u064e\u062b\u064e\u062a\u0652\u0647\u064e\u0627 \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e\u062a\u0652\u060c \u0628\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0646\u064e\u0627 \u0623\u064e\u0646\u064e\u0627 \u0645\u064e\u0639\u064e \u0627\u0644\u0646\u0651\u064e\u0628\u0650\u064a\u0651\u0650\u060c \u0635\u0644\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647 \u0639\u0644\u064a\u0647 \u0648\u0633\u0644\u0645 \u0645\u064f\u0636\u0652\u0637\u064e\u062c\u0650\u0639\u064e\u0629\u064b \u0641\u0650\u064a \u062e\u064e\u0645\u0650\u064a\u0635\u064e\u0629\u064d \u0625\u0650\u0630\u0652 \u062d\u0650\u0636\u0652\u062a\u064f\u060c \u0641\u064e\u0627\u0646\u0652\u0633\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0644\u0652\u062a\u064f \u0641\u064e\u0623\u064e\u062e\u064e\u0630\u0652\u062a\u064f \u062b\u0650\u064a\u064e\u0627\u0628\u064e \u062d\u0650\u064a\u0636\u064e\u062a\u0650\u064a \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e \u200f “\u200f \u0623\u064e\u0646\u064f\u0641\u0650\u0633\u0652\u062a\u0650 \u200f”\u200f\u200f.\u200f \u0642\u064f\u0644\u0652\u062a\u064f \u0646\u064e\u0639\u064e\u0645\u0652\u200f.\u200f \u0641\u064e\u062f\u064e\u0639\u064e\u0627\u0646\u0650\u064a \u0641\u064e\u0627\u0636\u0652\u0637\u064e\u062c\u064e\u0639\u0652\u062a\u064f \u0645\u064e\u0639\u064e\u0647\u064f \u0641\u0650\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0652\u062e\u064e\u0645\u0650\u064a\u0644\u064e\u0629\u0650<\/strong><\/p>\n

Narrated by Umm Salamah R.A.: While I was laying with the Prophet (\ufdfa) under a single woolen sheet, I got the menses. I slipped away and put on the clothes for menses. He said, “Have you got “Nifas” (menses)?” I replied, “Yes.” He then called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet. (Bukhari)<\/em><\/p>\n

Be responsible.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being \u201ca good Muslim husband\u201d doesn\u2019t just mean fulfilling the basic rights as a husband and leaving it at that. Being a good Muslim husband means that you are on the ball as a responsible adult \u2013 whether it\u2019s paying the bills, taking out the trash, cleaning a mess in the house, or being an engaged father (not \u2018babysitting\u2019). Doing these things is not a \u201ckindness to the wife,\u201d or \u201chelping out at home.\u201d It\u2019s not \u201cextra credit\u201d and deserving of lavish praise. It is part and parcel of being a grown man responsible for his surroundings, his family, and himself.<\/p>\n

Narrated Al-Aswad: I asked \u00c2ishah R.A. what did Nabi S.A.W. do at home. She replied. \u201cHe used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer.\u201d (Bukh\u00e2ri)<\/p>\n

\u00c2ishah R.A. reported: I was asked, \u201cWhat did the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, do in his house?\u201d I said, \u201cThe Prophet was a man among men. He would remove fleas from his clothes, milk his sheep, and serve himself.\u201d (Musnad Ahmad)<\/p>\n

These narrations show us that Nabi S.A.W. did not just fulfil the basic rights, but went a step further in engaging himself in household chores. As a Nabi, it would have been very easy for him to secure the services of the Sahaaba R.A. to do these chores. They eagerly awaited an opportunity to serve him. However, Nabi S.A.W. done all this himself. One reason for this is that he (S.A.W.) wanted to show his Ummah the manner in which a husband should conduct himself.<\/p>\n

Never compromise respect.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Remember that Allah describes marriage as a bond of love and mercy. Mercy and respect must always be there, even in times of conflict. Unfortunately, we tend to present respect as a quality that only men need (\u201cmen need respect, women need affection\u201d). To have mercy and respect one\u2019s wife is to never assume that she exists merely as an extension of you or to serve your needs. To respect her is to honour her, to defend her from harm and others\u2019 accusations, and to have Husn al-\u1e93ann of her.<\/p>\n

In cases of disagreement, this respect translates as not forcing your own opinion upon her when there is Islamically acceptable room for differences of opinion.<\/p>\n

\n

It should go without saying, but unfortunately it bears repeating nonetheless \u2013 respecting your wife means never, ever, abusing her, physically or otherwise.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u0648\u064e\u0645\u0650\u0646\u0652 \u0622\u064a\u064e\u0627\u062a\u0650\u0647\u0650 \u0623\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u062e\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0642\u064e \u0644\u064e\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u0645\u0650\u0646\u0652 \u0623\u064e\u0646\u0652\u0641\u064f\u0633\u0650\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u0623\u064e\u0632\u0652\u0648\u064e\u0627\u062c\u064b\u0627 \u0644\u0650\u062a\u064e\u0633\u0652\u0643\u064f\u0646\u064f\u0648\u0627 \u0625\u0650\u0644\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0647\u064e\u0627 \u0648\u064e\u062c\u064e\u0639\u064e\u0644\u064e \u0628\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0646\u064e\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u0645\u064e\u0648\u064e\u062f\u0651\u064e\u0629\u064b \u0648\u064e\u0631\u064e\u062d\u0652\u0645\u064e\u0629\u064b \u06da \u0625\u0650\u0646\u0651\u064e \u0641\u0650\u064a \u0630\u064e\u0670\u0644\u0650\u0643\u064e \u0644\u064e\u0622\u064a\u064e\u0627\u062a\u064d \u0644\u0650\u0642\u064e\u0648\u0652\u0645\u064d \u064a\u064e\u062a\u064e\u0641\u064e\u0643\u0651\u064e\u0631\u064f\u0648\u0646\u064e<\/strong><\/p>\n

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.\u00a0 [S\u00fbrat Al-R\u00fbm, 30:21]<\/em><\/p>\n

Even in times of conflict, Allah tells us to behave in the most respectful and gracious of manners:<\/p>\n

\u0648\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0627 \u062a\u064e\u0646\u0652\u0633\u064e\u0648\u064f\u0627 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0641\u064e\u0636\u0652\u0644\u064e \u0628\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0646\u064e\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652<\/strong><\/p>\n

And do not forget graciousness between you.\u00a0 [S\u00fbrat Al-Baqarah, 2:237]<\/em><\/p>\n

The above Ayat is related to divorce. So if Allah commands us to be merciful and gracious at the time of Divorce then how much more mercy and affection should we show for marriage itself.<\/p>\n

Her Faraidh is more important than your Nafl.<\/strong><\/p>\n

One issue that many men fall into is that in their zeal to engage more in ib\u00e2da, they end up burdening their wives even more \u2013 to the extent that she is barely able to perform her five daily Salaah. Both spouses should encourage and facilitate opportunities for each other to strengthen as Muslims, but mothers of young children especially need their husbands to step up so that they can have the necessary time they need to reconnect with Allah and flourish spiritually. (And no, that doesn\u2019t just mean five minutes here and there.)<\/p>\n

Ramadan is a time when this becomes more obvious than ever \u2013 for example, many men will go to \u1e62alat Al-\u1e6car\u00e2w\u00ee\u1e25 while leaving their wives to deal with the children, in addition to having cooked if\u1e6d\u00e2r beforehand. On a daily basis, though, go out of your way to facilitate your wife\u2019s ib\u00e2da and spiritual connection.<\/p>\n

In a lengthy narration in which Abu Darda R.A. exherted himself in Ibaadat,<\/p>\n

Salm\u00e2n Farsi R.A. told him, \u201cYour Lord has a right on you, your soul has a right on you, and your family has a right on you; so you should give the rights of all those who has a right on you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Ab\u00fb Al-Dard\u00e2\u2019 R.A. came to the Prophet S.A.W. and narrated the whole story. Nabi S.A.W. said, \u201cSalm\u00e2n has spoken the truth.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 (Bukhari)<\/em><\/p>\n

Learn conflict resolution skills.<\/strong><\/p>\n

One big reason that couples end up going for counseling is because they simply haven\u2019t learned how to communicate and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner. It\u2019s not even about one specific issue or another; it\u2019s about learning how to deal with whatever issues arise, in the most respectful and appropriate manner possible.<\/p>\n

The Quran and Sunnah urge positive reconciliation between believers, and especially between husbands and wives.<\/p>\n

\u0648\u064e\u0639\u064e\u0627\u0634\u0650\u0631\u064f\u0648\u0647\u064f\u0646\u0651\u064e \u0628\u0650\u0627\u0644\u0652\u0645\u064e\u0639\u0652\u0631\u064f\u0648\u0641\u0650 \u06da \u0641\u064e\u0625\u0650\u0646\u0652 \u0643\u064e\u0631\u0650\u0647\u0652\u062a\u064f\u0645\u064f\u0648\u0647\u064f\u0646\u0651\u064e \u0641\u064e\u0639\u064e\u0633\u064e\u0649\u0670 \u0623\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u062a\u064e\u0643\u0652\u0631\u064e\u0647\u064f\u0648\u0627 \u0634\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0626\u064b\u0627 \u0648\u064e\u064a\u064e\u062c\u0652\u0639\u064e\u0644\u064e \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u064f \u0641\u0650\u064a\u0647\u0650 \u062e\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0631\u064b\u0627 \u0643\u064e\u062b\u0650\u064a\u0631\u064b\u0627<\/strong><\/p>\n

And live with them honourably. For if you dislike them \u2013 perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. [S\u00fbrat Al-Nis\u00e2\u2019, 4:19]<\/em><\/p>\n

By conflict resolution, It does not mean merely learning how to compromise or when to realize that your wife should have the upper hand from a fiqh point of view. We talking about a whole new way to view conflict in marriage, as a tool or vehicle to a greater goal\u2014that of becoming a closer couple with an even stronger bond.<\/p>\n

We might not have a choice about the conflicts that arise from differences, but we do when it comes to how we react to these conflicts. Most people don\u2019t make any choice at all about their marital conflicts. A husband or wife may feel upset about something and merely react to that emotion. Argument ensues, which can end in a shouting match or cold distance.<\/p>\n

Others are passive-aggressive when it comes to marital conflict. Few are the people who see conflict as an opportunity to remain calm; fewer still have the foresight not only to see how to get through this conflict unscathed, but to use it as a catalyst for growth. This is the ideal way to deal with differences, to use it to your advantage.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Love your wife for who she is.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Not because she\u2019s the person who cooks for you or does your laundry. Not because she\u2019s the mother of your children. Not because you\u2019ve settled into routine and you feel comfortable having her around and she knows how to work the coffee maker and where the family\u2019s paperwork is filed. Love her for her. Her personality traits, her talents, her hobbies, the things about her that make her unique.<\/p>\n

Notice them, appreciate them, compliment them. Let her know that you don\u2019t just see her as wife or mother, but as an individual on her own. Know that long before she married you, indeed long before she was born to her own parents, she was created as a separate soul \u2013 a human being whose primary identity is as a slave of Allah.<\/p>\n

And most importantly \u2013 let her know that you love her, with all the pride and openness that Ras\u00fblAllah S.A.W. demonstrated when he was asked, \u201cWho do you love most?\u201d and he responded, simply and beautifully, \u201c\u00c2ishah.\u201d<\/p>\n

Final words as we conclude this topic\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

Know that you are responsible for your end of the marriage, regardless of how the other party treats you. Fulfill your wife\u2019s rights without demanding yours first, and know that you seek Allah\u2019s Pleasure over anyone else\u2019s. Do your job with excellence, and don\u2019t make it conditional. I\u1e25s\u00e2n is not merely to worship in the ritual sense, but to conduct oneself in general with an awareness that Allah is Al-Raq\u00eeb (the Ever-Watchful), and to fulfill one\u2019s duties in the best of manners.<\/p>\n

Then he (Jibr\u00eel) said, \u201cInform me about i<\/em>\u1e25s\u00e2n.\u201d He (the Messenger of Allah) answered, \u201cIt is that you should serve Allah as though you could see Him, for though you cannot see Him yet (know that) He sees you. (Muslim)<\/em><\/p>\n

Muslim men should strive to match the standards set by Nabi S.A.W. when he said:<\/p>\n

\u062e\u0650\u064a\u064e\u0627\u0631\u064f\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u062e\u0650\u064a\u064e\u0627\u0631\u064f\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u0644\u0650\u0646\u0650\u0633\u064e\u0627\u0626\u0650\u0647\u0650\u0645\u0652<\/strong><\/p>\n

“The best of you are those who are best to their women”<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Tune in to Sabaahul Muslim with Ml Sulaimaan Ravat, weekdays from 6 \u2013 9am for more interesting and thought provoking social, spiritual and political discussions.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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