{"id":45288,"date":"2021-02-12T14:48:13","date_gmt":"2021-02-12T12:48:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.radioislam.org.za\/a\/?p=45288"},"modified":"2021-02-12T14:48:13","modified_gmt":"2021-02-12T12:48:13","slug":"coping-with-grief-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/coping-with-grief-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Coping with Grief: Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

Stages of Grief<\/strong><\/p>\n

Grief is universal. At some point in everyone\u2019s life, there will be at least one encounter with grief. It may be from the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or any other change that alters life as you know it.<\/p>\n

Grief is also very personal. It\u2019s not very neat or linear. It doesn\u2019t follow any timelines or schedules. Everyone grieves differently, but there are some commonalities in the stages and the order of feelings experienced during grief.<\/p>\n

Stage 1: Denial<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The denial stage involves feelings of resistance, shock, and avoidance. When a tragedy first hits, an automatic response is often disbelief and attempts to deny the reality of it. The numbness that we often feel during this stage is a survival mechanism- a way to cope when things feel too overwhelming to face.<\/p>\n

Even the most righteous have experienced this emotional response during times of grief. When the Prophet \ufdfa passed on to the mercy of Allah, \u02bfUmar (RA) struggled with denial: \u02bfUmar stood up and said, \u201cBy Allah! Allah\u2019s Messenger \ufdfa is not dead!\u201d \u02bfUmar (later on) said, \u201cBy Allah! Nothing occurred to my mind except that.\u201d He said, \u201cVerily! Allah will resurrect him and he will cut the hands and legs of some men.\u201d (\u1e62a\u1e25\u012b\u1e25 al-Bukh\u0101r\u012b, no. 3667)<\/p>\n

Denial can be especially difficult because it\u2019s filled with uncertainty and unknowns. There is usually a lot to process, but not much action to take because the future is uncharted territory.<\/p>\n

Stage 2: Anger<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Anger often arises to protect us from the more painful emotions we feel during times of grief and loss. Anger allows us to feel powerful when we feel helpless in the face of what we have lost. Underneath our anger other deep emotions are brewing\u2014anxiety, abandonment, loneliness, confusion, and pain. You may be feeling angry at everyone around you, at the news you hear every day, and at the changes that you have no control over. Your anger gives you something to focus on during a time when you may feel as though you are floating in an overwhelming sea of nothingness.<\/p>\n

Remember that feelings move through us. If you are experiencing anger right now, it doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll feel angry forever. Allow yourself to acknowledge that you are feeling angry but don\u2019t react in anger. One way in which we can do this by: \u201cSeeking refuge in Allah\u201d Two people insulted each other in the presence of the Messenger of Allah \ufdfa and the eyes of one of them became red like embers and the veins of his neck were swelling. The Prophet \ufdfa said, \u201cVerily, I know a word he could say to calm himself: I seek refuge in Allah from the cursed Satan.\u201d (\u1e62a\u1e25\u012b\u1e25 al-Bukh\u0101r\u012b, no. 5764; \u1e62a\u1e25\u012b\u1e25 Muslim, no. 2610.)<\/p>\n

Stage 3: Bargaining<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

A lot of people interpret the COVID-19 pandemic as a personal punishment from Allah (swt) for their shortcomings. While holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes is an important step toward growth and repentance, viewing your personal shortcomings as the reason why so many are suffering can lead to an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame. Guilt often goes hand-in-hand with the bargaining stage. This stage often includes \u201cIf only\u2026\u201d statements due to the feelings of regret that come up with loss. The Prophet Muhammad \ufdfa advised us against these thoughts that inevitably bring up more pain. He said, \u201cIf anything befalls you, do not say, \u2018If only I had done such and such.\u201d Rather say \u2018Qaddara All\u0101hu wa-m\u0101 sh\u0101\u02bea fa\u02bfala (Allah has decreed and whatever He wills, He does).\u2019 For (saying) \u2018If\u2019 opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.\u201d (Sunan Ibn M\u0101jah, no. 79)<\/p>\n

Bargaining is an attempt to regain control during uncontrollable situations. Focusing on the factors within your control, rather than on regrets and a desire to return to the less painful past, can help you to get through this stage.<\/p>\n

Stage 4: Depression<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Once our attention shifts away from the past and into the present, the depression stage can hit hard. We truly begin to feel the losses we\u2019ve experienced, which can yield intense feelings of sadness, loneliness and emptiness. This stage can feel as though it\u2019ll stretch on interminably. These feelings even impacted the best of humanity\u2014the Prophets of Allah \u0639\u0644\u064a\u0647\u0645 \u0627\u0644\u0633\u0644\u0627\u0645. We see the intensity of these emotions in the Prophet Ya\u02bfq\u016bb \u0639\u0644\u064a\u0647 \u0627\u0644\u0633\u0644\u0627\u0645 when he was separated from his son Y\u016bsuf and he grieved so deeply that his eyes turned white due to the extent to which he cried. His intense grief is expressed in the Qur\u2019an, \u201cAnd he (Ya\u02bfq\u016bb\u00a0 \u0639\u0644\u064a\u0647 \u0627\u0644\u0633\u0644\u0627\u0645) said, \u2018Oh, my sorrow over Y\u016bsuf,\u2019 and his eyes became white from grief because of the sorrow that he suppressed.\u201d<\/p>\n

This stage, just like the other stages, will not last forever. Remember the promise of Allah (swt), \u201cFor indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.\u201d The depression stage is part of the process of moving forward after a loss. Remember that every moment of sadness and pain, no matter how overwhelming, is a part of the process of healing.<\/p>\n

Stage 5: Acceptance<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

For those who have lost a loved one, this stage is different. It involves accepting the reality that this person is physically gone and that this new reality is the permanent reality. Acceptance does not mean that you\u2019re \u201cok\u201d with what happened. The loss of someone you love will likely never feel ok. The goal in this stage is to learn how to live with this loss and create a new normal despite the huge piece that is missing. At first, you may find yourself trying to live life exactly as you did before a loved one died. The acceptance stage is a huge step forward in living a life that honours your loss while still allowing you to find purpose and fulfilment amidst this void.<\/p>\n

Accepting the reality of a loss in our lives\u2014whether that be loss through death, job layoffs, or divorce\u2014is an essential step in healing. Finding meaning cannot erase your grief; pain is a natural reaction to intense loss. However, it can help ease the anguish and help you move forward. As we see in the different stages of grief, our minds can often lead us down negative spirals that increase our torment\u2014finding meaning can help to mitigate this.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Stages of Grief Grief is universal. At some point in everyone\u2019s life, there will be at least one encounter with grief. It may be from the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or any other change that alters life as you know it. Grief is also […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":45168,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-special-feature"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/grief.jpg?fit=1536%2C1102&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pc0QIf-bMs","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-04-13 05:19:20","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45288","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45288"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45288\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/45168"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}