{"id":52312,"date":"2021-06-21T10:10:37","date_gmt":"2021-06-21T08:10:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/?p=52312"},"modified":"2021-06-21T10:10:37","modified_gmt":"2021-06-21T08:10:37","slug":"how-to-console-someone-who-lost-a-loved-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/how-to-console-someone-who-lost-a-loved-one\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Console Someone Who Lost A Loved One"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"By Mufti Yusuf Moosagie
\n18:06:2021<\/strong><\/p>\n


\n<\/strong>When a Muslim is afflicted with a difficulty of any sort, be it the loss of a loved one or any other hardship, and he or she bears it patiently, then Almighty Allah rewards them for their patience.<\/p>\n

\u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0639\u064e\u0628\u0652\u062f\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u0650\u060c \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e \u0631\u064e\u0633\u064f\u0648\u0644\u064f \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u0650 \u0640 \u0635\u0644\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647 \u0639\u0644\u064a\u0647 \u0648\u0633\u0644\u0645 \u0640 \u200f “\u200f \u0645\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0639\u064e\u0632\u0651\u064e\u0649 \u0645\u064f\u0635\u064e\u0627\u0628\u064b\u0627 \u0641\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0647\u064f \u0645\u0650\u062b\u0652\u0644\u064f \u0623\u064e\u062c\u0652\u0631\u0650\u0647\u0650 \u200f”\u200f<\/p>\n

Whoever consoles an afflicted person will receive the same reward [as the sufferer will upon his Sabr]. (At-Tirmidh\u012b)<\/p>\n

If you console the person with the right words, you will receive the same reward they receive for their patience.<\/p>\n

Do you find yourself lost for words when having to meet someone who lost a loved one?<\/p>\n

I want to share a few tips on what to say and what not to say, beginning with the latter:<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0 Do not say \u201cI know how you feel\u2019 – because you don’t unless you have been in the same situation. Then, every person deals with grief differently, and you don’t truly know what they are feeling.<\/p>\n

You may be attempting to emphasize, but it may come across as minimising their experience.<\/p>\n

2) Do not say, \u201cAt least.”<\/p>\n

\u201cAt least she lived a long life, and many people die young.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt least she isn\u2019t suffering,\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt least you have other children,\u201d<\/p>\n

“At least you spent the last days with the deceased.”<\/p>\n

\u00a0Do not force gratitude on the person. You are trying to force them to look at the positive when they are feeling terrible. Just acknowledge that the situation is bad and validate their feelings.<\/p>\n

3) Do not give\u00a0 instructions\u00a0 like: \u201cBe strong\u201d or \u201cBe patient.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rather say: \u201cMay Almighty Allah grant you patience.\u201d<\/p>\n

The world that the person knows has been rocked, and they are in a very vulnerable space. They may respond to your instruction inappropriately, which would be detrimental to their Imam.<\/p>\n

4) Avoid saying things like: \u201cJust give it time; time heals.\u201d or\u00a0 \u201cStop crying\u201d, or \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t feel that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

All of this would dismiss or undermine what the person is feeling. Let them feel what they are feeling. Allow them to mourn and express themselves.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, here\u00a0 are some tips on what you could say:<\/p>\n

1) Say less and listen more:<\/p>\n

You do not have to give an elaborate message to the bereaved. Rather, the sincerity and empathy with which you say it, even if it is something short, will create an impact. You can say things like: \u201cI am so sorry for your loss\u201d,\u201d I wish I had the right words, know I care\u201d, or \u201cI am always just a phone call away.\u201d<\/p>\n

2). Make Dua for the deceased:<\/p>\n

\u0639\u064e\u0638\u0651\u064e\u0645\u064e \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647\u064f \u0623\u064e\u062c\u0652\u0631\u064e\u0643\u064e\u060c \u0648\u064e\u0623\u064e\u062d\u0652\u0633\u064e\u0646\u064e \u0639\u064e\u0632\u064e\u0627\u0621\u064e\u0643\u064e\u060c \u0648\u064e\u063a\u064e\u0641\u064e\u0631\u064e \u0644\u0650\u0645\u064e\u064a\u0651\u0650\u062a\u064e\u0643\u064e\u060c<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cMay\u00a0 Almighty Allah increase your reward, and grant you good consolation, and forgive your deceased.\u201d[Mirqatul Mafatih Part 4, page 193]<\/p>\n

3). Share stories about the deceased<\/p>\n

One of the most helpful things you can do for a grieving person shares a memory of his or her loved one or talk about something that the deceased did that impacted your life.<\/p>\n

The grieving person is thinking about the deceased 100% of the time. When you share stories about the deceased, the person will feel more connected to the deceased.<\/p>\n

4). Offer Help<\/p>\n

Saying \u201cIs there anything I can do for you?\u201d is nice, but actually offering specific help is better. Proactively offer specific support. \u201cI made a big pot of soup, and I will be in your neighbourhood. Can I drop some off for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sayyidina Abdullah ibn Abbas Radiyallahu Anhu says that at the time of his father\u2019s death, a bedouin could console him as no one else. The bedouin recited a few couplets, the last of which was:<\/p>\n

\u062e\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0631\u064f \u0645\u0651\u0650\u0646\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0639\u064e\u0628\u0651\u064e\u0627\u0633\u0650 \u0623\u064e\u062c\u0652\u0631\u064f\u0643\u064e \u0628\u064e\u0639\u0652\u062f\u064e\u0647\u064f<\/p>\n

\u0648\u064e\u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647\u064f \u062e\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0631\u064c \u0645\u0651\u0650\u0646\u0652\u0643\u064e \u0644\u0650\u0644\u0652\u0639\u064e\u0628\u0651\u064e\u0627\u0633\u0650\u0650<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter for you than Abbas is the reward you will receive you will receive after him:<\/p>\n

And Allah is better for Abbas than you\u201d [Ihya Uloom\u00a0 Vol 4, P 131]<\/p>\n

Through these words, the grieving son was reminded that although he had suffered a loss, the gain brought by patience is superior.<\/p>\n

He was also reminded that his father might have lost his son’s company, but he has gone to meet his creator.<\/p>\n

What is better for Sayyidina Abbas – being with his son or being with Allah?<\/p>\n

May Almighty Allah grant Jannatul Firdose to all the deceased and grant beautiful patience to all the bereaved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Mufti Yusuf Moosagie 18:06:2021 When a Muslim is afflicted with a difficulty of any sort, be it the loss of a loved one or any other hardship, and he or she bears it patiently, then Almighty Allah rewards them for their patience. \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0639\u064e\u0628\u0652\u062f\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u0650\u060c \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e \u0631\u064e\u0633\u064f\u0648\u0644\u064f \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0647\u0650 \u0640 \u0635\u0644\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647 \u0639\u0644\u064a\u0647 \u0648\u0633\u0644\u0645 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":52315,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[132,5452],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-52312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion-and-analysis","category-religious"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/Console.jpg?fit=720%2C479&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pc0QIf-dBK","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-04-27 17:39:05","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=52312"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/52312\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/52315"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=52312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=52312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=52312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}