You\u2019ve practiced giving constructive criticism\u2014but what about taking feedback instead of giving it? Accepting constructive criticism without getting defensive can be really difficult. Even though you conceptually know the person is giving feedback to help you, it\u2019s human nature to feel a little defensive when receiving criticism\u2014even if it is helpful.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, in the heat of the moment, many of us react with defensiveness and anger or \u2014 even worse \u2014 attack the person giving feedback. But the truth is, we need to get over it. We know there\u2019s value in constructive criticism \u2014 how else would we identify weaknesses and be more successful in everything we do.<\/p>\n
So how do you learn to back off the defensive?<\/strong><\/p>\n Stop Your First Reaction<\/strong><\/p>\n At the first sign of criticism, before you do anything \u2014 STOP! Really. Try not to react at all! You\u2019ll have at least one second to stop your reaction. While one second seems insignificant in real life, it\u2019s ample time for your brain to process a situation. And in that moment, you can halt a dismissive facial expression or reactive quip and remind yourself to stay calm.<\/p>\n Remember the Benefit of Getting Feedback<\/strong><\/p>\n Now, you have a few seconds to quickly remind yourself of the benefits of receiving constructive criticism\u2014namely, to improve your skills, work product, and relationships, and to help you meet the expectations that your manager and others have of you.<\/p>\n You should also try to curtail any reaction you\u2019re having to the person who is delivering the feedback. It can be challenging to receive criticism from a co-worker, a peer, or someone that you don\u2019t fully respect, but, remember: Accurate and constructive feedback comes even from flawed sources.<\/p>\n Listen for Understanding<\/strong><\/p>\n You\u2019ve avoided your typical reaction, your brain is working, and you\u2019ve recalled all the benefits of feedback\u2014high-five! Now, you\u2019re ready to engage in a productive dialogue as your competent, thoughtful self (as opposed to your combative self).<\/p>\n As the person shares feedback with you, listen closely. Allow the person to share their complete thoughts, without interruption. When they\u2019re done, repeat back what you heard. For example, \u201cI hear you saying that you want me to provide more detailed weekly reports, is that right?\u201d<\/p>\n At this point, avoid analysing or questioning the person\u2019s assessment; instead, just focus on understanding his or her comments and perspective. And give the benefit of the doubt here \u2014 hey, it\u2019s difficult to give feedback to another person. Recognize that the person giving you feedback may be nervous or may not express their ideas perfectly.<\/p>\n Say Thank You<\/p>\n Next (and this is a hard part), look the person in the eyes and thank them for sharing feedback with you. Don\u2019t gloss over this \u2014 be deliberate, and say, \u201cI really appreciate you taking the time to talk about this with me.\u201d<\/p>\n Expressing appreciation doesn\u2019t have to mean you\u2019re agreeing with the assessment, but it does show that you\u2019re acknowledging the effort your colleague took to evaluate you and share his or her thoughts.<\/p>\n Ask Questions to Deconstruct the Feedback<\/strong><\/p>\n Now it\u2019s time to process the feedback \u2014 you\u2019ll probably want to get more clarity at this point and share your perspective. Avoid engaging in a debate; instead, ask questions to get to the root of the actual issues being raised and possible solutions for addressing them.<\/p>\n For example, if a colleague tells you that you got a little heated in a meeting, here are a few ways to deconstruct the feedback:<\/p>\n \u00b7 Seek specific examples to help you understand the issue: \u201cI was a little frustrated, but can you share when in the meeting you thought I got heated?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00b7 Acknowledge the feedback that is not in dispute: \u201cYou\u2019re right that I did cut him off while he was talking, and I later apologized for that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00b7 Try to understand whether this is an isolated issue (e.g., a mistake you made once): \u201cHave you noticed me getting heated in other meetings?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00b7 Look for concrete solutions to address the feedback: \u201cI\u2019d love to hear your ideas on how I might handle this differently in the future.\u201d<\/p>\n Request Time to Follow Up<\/strong><\/p>\n Hopefully, by this point in the conversation, you can agree on the issues that were raised. Once you articulate what you will do going forward, and thank the person again for the feedback, you can close the conversation and move on.<\/p>\n That said, if it\u2019s a larger issue, or something presented by your boss, you may want to ask for a follow-up meeting to ask more questions and get agreement on next steps. And that\u2019s OK \u2014 it\u2019ll give you time to process the feedback, seek advice from others, and think about solutions.<\/p>\n Constructive criticism is often the only way we learn about our weaknesses \u2014 without it we can\u2019t improve. When we\u2019re defensive, instead of accepting and gracious, we run the risk of missing out on this important insight. Remember, feedback\u2019s not easy to give and it\u2019s certainly not easy to receive, but it\u2019ll help us now and in the long run.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" You\u2019ve practiced giving constructive criticism\u2014but what about taking feedback instead of giving it? Accepting constructive criticism without getting defensive can be really difficult. Even though you conceptually know the person is giving feedback to help you, it\u2019s human nature to feel a little defensive when receiving criticism\u2014even if it is helpful. Unfortunately, in the heat […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":77761,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[43],"tags":[5476],"class_list":["post-78010","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-special-feature","tag-special-feature"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/critisim.jpg?fit=400%2C400&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pc0QIf-kie","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-04-25 10:57:39","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78010","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=78010"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78010\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/77761"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=78010"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=78010"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/radioislam.org.za\/a\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=78010"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}