Apologise Part 1

Why it is so Difficult to Apologise?

In life there are many actions that are easy to do, yet we find it difficult to bring ourselves to do them. There are many actions which would literally take us a few seconds to complete, that require very little energy or effort. Yet, for us to carry out those actions feels heavier than moving a mountain.  Foremost amongst such actions, is the act of apologising, saying you are sorry; saying, “I was wrong. I should not have done it,” or “I should have done it differently.”

Apologising is an action which is simple, takes very little time, very little effort, very little energy, but to get yourself to do it is a different matter altogether. Most humans find it very difficult to apologise. Amazingly, we hardly talk about the need to apologise. Apologising is powerful, ‘say sorry!’ Why are we reluctant to apologise?

When you apologise, what you are doing, is admitting that you were wrong. For us to admit that we were wrong, is a very difficult task, because we all have egos. We all have a nafs. And the nafs and the ego does not take kindly to admitting that we were wrong. However, if we cannot overcome this, then it can be catastrophic for us in this world as well as in the Aakhira.

We have the lasting example in Iblees. What was at the root cause of his downfall? What was at the root of his misguidance? Allah had issued an instruction that all the angels should prostrate before Adam AS. The angels whether they understood it or not, immediately fell into prostration.

وَإِذْ قُلْنَا لِلْمَلَائِكَةِ اسْجُدُوا لِآدَمَ فَسَجَدُوا إِلَّا إِبْلِيسَ أَبَىٰ وَاسْتَكْبَرَ وَكَانَ مِنَ الْكَافِرِينَ

And [mention] when We said to the angels, “Prostrate before Adam”; so, they prostrated, except for Iblees. He refused and was arrogant and became of the disbelievers. {Surah Baqarah, verse 34}

Every single angel fell into prostration, except Iblees, the Jinn, who was elevated from the earth to the heavens, because of his great piety. He refused to prostrate before Adam AS. The story is a well-known one. When Allah asked him the question:

قَالَ مَا مَنَعَكَ أَلَّا تَسْجُدَ إِذْ أَمَرْتُكَ

[Allah] said, “What prevented you from prostrating when I commanded you?” {Surah Al-Araf, verse 12}

“O Iblees, I am your Creator, I am the being that you worship. And how Iblees used to worship Allah! It is believed that you will not find the equivalent of a hand span distance in the heavens, except that Iblees made sajdah at that spot. That was the extent of the Ibaadat and the worship of Iblees, who worshipped Allah SWT in a way that even the angels were envious of him.

It was the angels that requested of Allah, when Allah sent the angels to the heavens, to banish the jinn to the jungles and to the oceans because they were creating havoc. But after seeing Iblees’s piety and his worship, and becoming so impressed by it, they requested for him to be brought back to the Heavens.

We know that the angels only worship Allah. So, Allah said to Iblees, “You worship me, and I am the very One who issued the instruction for you to prostrate. Why didn’t you prostrate?”

Instead of saying, “Oh Allah, I am sorry,” like Adam AS did when he made a mistake, and Allah removed him from Jannah, Iblees made no excuses. Adam AS was humble enough to say, “I’m sorry, forgive me.”

رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ

Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers. {Surah Al-Araf, verse 23}

The result was that Allah forgave him for his mistake, Allah will enter him and our mother, Hawa AS, back into Jannah, wherefrom they originated. And Allah has put in place a system where every son of Adam, who makes a mistake, but sincerely apologises, will be forgiven.

However, Iblees on the other hand, was too proud and too arrogant. His ego got the better of him. Not only did he not apologise, but he went one step further: he blamed Allah! May Allah protect us, but this is what having an unchecked ego can do to you. So, first, he used his logic (I am better than him), and then (O Allah, You led me astray). He took no responsibility for his behaviour. These are signs of pride and arrogance. This is why it is said that if you study all the personalities who are condemned in the Qur’aan, and in the teachings of Rasulullah SAW, be it Fir’oun, Hamaan, Qarun or Abu Jahal and Iblees, all of them have certain qualities in common, qualities of pride and arrogance. Their egos triumphed at the end of the day.

That is the first reason as to why we find it difficult to apologise, because an apology means we were wrong, and the ego does not want us to say that we were wrong. But if we cannot overcome our ego and admit when we are wrong, then we have stepped onto the path of destruction. Allah has put that eternal example before us, the example of Iblees, and every other proud and arrogant personality that stands condemned in the annals of human history.

{Extracted and adapted from Volume One of the book In Pursuit of Purpose by Ml Sulaimaan Ravat}