A Parent`s Response

Children can’t wait to celebrate the end of the exams, but their joy is often tempered by fear—what if they perform badly? Parents, on the other hand, may find that their relief at the exam’s end is swiftly replaced by anxiety, if their children’s results are not up to par.

How can parents respond to their children’s results in a way that is positive, loving, and encouraging?

Here are some suggestions:

# Remember: Exams belong in the past

For many children, stress does not end when a test or exam is completed, for the result is a source of stress too. Parents should begin the process of dealing with the results by accepting that things are done, and cannot be undone—don’t bring up what children could have done differently.

# Sit across your child when discussing results

Avoid asking children about their scores when driving or walking beside them. This is a sensitive conversation, and you should have it while looking at your child—eye contact is important, and you’ll be able to pick up signs of stress if they are present, such as:

ears turning red
paleness
increased sweating
crying
fidgeting
hair tugging
nail biting
sitting at the edge of the seat

# Don’t discuss next steps on results day

When children receive their exam results, they may feel disappointed because of their personal expectations. Or, they may be satisfied with their grades, but worried about shouldering the burden of their parents’ disappointment.

You can ask your child, “How are you?” and see if he is willing to open up to you. Alternatively, say to your child, “Let’s take today off to rest. What would you like to do?” What you’re really saying is that you’re accepting and available to bond. It also signals a willingness to put the exams and the results behind you.

# Your child doesn’t need a problem fixer

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