16 March 2026

4-minute read

Every relationship that we enjoy on earth is not purely based on love, it always has some ulterior motive, some self-interest that is attached. In other words, there is no-one on planet earth who loves you purely out of love. They may love you but there is definitely an element of self-interest, there is definitely some motive behind why they love you.

Let us take the examples of some of the primary relationships that we have in our lives.

1. The parent-child relationship. Many would refer to that relationship as the epitome of love. The love that a parent has for the child is unparalleled, but it is not 100% sincere. It is not without motive; it is not without self- interest. Why does a parent want a child? You want a child because you want your name to continue. You want your legacy to continue. You want a child because you want somebody to inherit from you, otherwise your brothers and sisters will inherit. You want a child because in your old age you want somebody to be there for you. You want somebody to support you. These motives are permissible, but they are motives, nonetheless.
2. The husband-wife relationship. It is also based on motives and interest. You may love your wife, you may say ‘Habibati’, she may say, ‘Habibi’, you send icons with smiling faces and blowing hearts and everything else, but why did you get married? Because you want physical intimacy, you want emotional companionship so there are interests, there are motives in that marriage. When your interests are not being served, that marriage hits a rocky patch.
3. The student-teacher relationship. Even if it is a student of Deen and a teacher of Deen, there are motives. The teacher wants somebody to whom he can pass on his knowledge, so that the knowledge does not stop with him. The student wants somebody from whom he can seek knowledge. Many times, in the student-teacher relationship there is payment that takes place. The teacher may want thawab-e-jaariya, perpetual reward and that can only happen if you pass on what you know to somebody else and they in turn will pass it on to somebody else, so there is a motive.
4. In friendship also there is a motive. Why do you have friends? Because we cannot live isolated lives. We want companionship. You want somebody to be there for you in your time of need. Somebody who you can rely on. Someone who is a rock of support.

So, every relationship that you have is one that is based on some degree of motive and some type of self-interest or the other. It is not one hundred percent a relationship of love, except for two relationships.

The first: in a Hadith-e-Qudsi Allāh says:

يَا عَبْدِي

O my servant

كُلٌّ يُرِيْدُكَ لِنَفْسِهِ

Everyone loves you because they want something from you. Your mother loves you because she wants a good child. Your teacher loves you because he wants a student who can take his name further. Everyone loves you because they want something from you.

وَ اَنَا أُرِيْدُكَ لَك

And I love you because it is to your benefit. My love for you, oh my servant has no interest, no motive because I am Rabbul Alimeen, I don’t need you and I don’t need anything.

When Allāh loves you, it is purely out of love – there is no motive, there is no self-interest.

The second exception is the love of Muhammadur Rasoolullah صلى الله عليه وسلم for every Ummati. Why is that an exception? Because when the Nabi of Allāh loves you, he gains nothing out of it.

لِّيَغْفِرَ لَكَ ٱللَّهُ مَا تَقَدَّمَ مِن ذَنۢبِكَ وَمَا تَأَخَّرَ

His position is already secured by Allāh.

عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَبْعَثَكَ رَبُّكَ مَقَامًا مَّحْمُودًا

Allāh has already elevated him to the highest of high from the creation of Allāh.

أَنَا سَيِّدُ وُلْدِ آدَمَ وَ لَا فَخَر 

The Nabi of Allāh had said, ‘I am the leader of the entire progeny of Aadam عَلَيْهِ السَّلَام. I don’t state it out of pride; I state it as a matter of fact’. The Nabi of Allāh does not need to love us, he does not gain from loving us, but his love is purely motivated by sincerity. When Allāh said, ‘Oh Muhammad, I will give you so much that you will become happy’. He said, ‘Oh Allāh, I will not be happy, I will not be happy until every Ummati of mine has entered Jannah’.

These are the two exceptions when it comes to relationships. There are only two that love you for your sake, not for their sake and that is Allāh and the Rasool of Allāh, ﷺ.

{Extracted and adapted from Volume One of the book In Pursuit of Purpose by Ml Sulaimaan Ravat}