Causes of Family Disputes
As the old saying goes, we can choose our friends but not our relatives, so it’s no wonder that people thrown together by birth or marriage will experience conflict. In fact, the kinds of issues families most frequently fight about are surprisingly common. Therefore today we will take a look at some of the main causes of family disputes.

Money
Money is a big one, of course. From fighting over inheritance to disagreeing about who will pay for aging parents or family events, family financial conflict is top of the list when it comes to why families fight. If members of a family feel they have been treated unfairly or not given their fair share, they can harbour resentment for years, maybe even a lifetime. They may feel they were cheated, disrespected, or that their entire lifestyle was significantly impacted due to these financial conflicts. Such associations and the resulting painful emotions aren’t easily forgotten. That’s why a family fighting over money can be so devastating, and why this type of matter must be dealt with and resolved as quickly as possible.

Family Business
Several families are engaged in a family-run business, often started by a single family couple and then passed down to the couple’s children who must find ways to work together. Also, siblings tend to go into business together. And why not? It’s difficult to trust people these days, and we should be able to trust our siblings, right? Unfortunately, there ends up being all types of conflict in family business. Partnerships are hard, regardless of whether the partners are related or not. But when partners are family members, the business conflicts often spill over into extended family conflict.

In-Law Related Conflict
You know the scenario; it’s a cliche at this point. Unfortunately for those experiencing in-law related conflict, however, the stress is all too real and relentless. From mother-in-law conflicts with daughters-in-law to mother-in-law son-in-law conflict, personality clashes in families are rampant when taking on a new set of parents or a new adult as part of the family. Sure, the couple are in love…but this conflict has proven to be so powerful, that it can rip the strongest marriage apart. So each partner better be sure they know what family they are marrying into, because people don’t change very easily. That means the mothers-, fathers-, sons-, and daughters-in-law you know on the day of the marriage will likely be the ones that stick around for good. If you’re hoping they will change, you’re probably in for a rude awakening. Typical arguments in wife and mother-in-law conflict, for instance, might revolve around: how to treat her husband/son, how to raise the children, how to spend money more responsibly, and so on.

Conflict over Family Events
Events are stressful without any interpersonal problems thrown into the mix. Planning takes work, money, and time, and when things don’t go as planned, it can cause a lot of anxiety. Families often argue about topics related to major and even minor events, on issues such as: who is on (and who is left out of) the invite list, who is paying for what, which dates work for everyone, the location of the event, and who to use as cooks and caterers. Everyone involved construes their own needs as top priority…which makes resolving family arguments about events pretty difficult.

Sibling Conflict over Care of Elderly Parent
As parents age, siblings are typically responsible for how to care for their elderly parents. There are no easy answers as to what should be done about caring for elderly parents, and so sibling conflict over the care of an elderly parent can foster stubbornness and deeply felt anger between siblings or any other parties responsible for an aging loved one.

Divorced Parents Conflict over Care & Discipline of Children
Putting aside financial matters for a moment, the proper care and discipline of shared children is a central point of contention for many divorcees. One parent may have a more rigid style, for example, while the other is more lenient. Each parent then feels much of their effort is being dissolved as soon as the child leaves to go to the other parent’s home. This can be frustrating and sometimes enraging. Co-parents that work together amicably are a blessing to see. Co-parents who are regularly arguing are often extremely stressed by the conflict with their former spouse.

Different Parenting Styles and Child Discipline
It’s the most important job in the world and most people have clear ideas about the kind of parents they want to be (or don’t want to be). In an ideal world, parents would always be on the same page, but in reality that isn’t always the case. Because we are so emotionally invested in our kids, conflicts around parenting can quickly become heated.

While mutual agreement on the subject of child discipline is crucial, the lack of consensus opens up another potential area for family conflict. If one parent acts as the “disciplinarian,” the other parent typically becomes the “consoler” to whom the children turn — this often pits one parent against the other.

Power Struggles between Parents and Children
As parents we want to protect our children and keep them safe. Our children on the other hand, have an instinctive need to explore the world and experience personal freedom. When children assert their independence, parents often fight to maintain their authority causing communication to break down and leaving both parties feeling disrespected and misunderstood.

Grandparent Interference
Grandparents can play a wonderful, unique role in families but conflicts can arise when they overstep their boundaries, undermine parents or offer unsolicited advice. If the grandparent in question is an in-law, the situation becomes even more volatile.

Poor Communication:
When there is lack of communication between couples it often results to misunderstandings. Constant criticism, complaints, blaming, sarcasm, result when the couples are unable to express themselves properly. Sometimes during conflicts, just a simple “I’m sorry” can solve it all.

These are the most common causes of family disputes, there are others like sibling rivalry which we will discuss in more detail on another day.