Rabia Mayet | rabiamayet@radioislam.co.za

16 October 2024

5-minute read

The intense pressure of the upcoming grade 12 exams is looming for matric students across the country. The need for education in this day and age has escalated astronomically as compared to in years gone by, and while parents’ expectations are higher than in the past, hope in their child’s future is the overriding factor for most parents wanting their children to get through the final examinations successfully.

Dr Sanele Gamede, lecturer at the University of Johannesburg, strategic youth, life and career coach, best-selling author of four books, educational motivational speaker, and employability practitioner, says that parents need to find the balance between pushing children enough so that they do well but not pushing them so hard that they go over the edge.

Dr Gamede himself did grade 10, 11 and 12 two times each. Since 2019, he has been running anti-suicide campaign for young people, particularly matriculants, and he focuses on the suicide rate at this crucial period. He recently wrote an article on a grade 12 pupil, Joseph, who, despite facing many challenges, had been encouraged to go back to school at the age of 20 to pursue his dreams. Dr Gamede said that it was “very painful for him, personally” to hear about Joseph who committed suicide when he was bullied by his teachers, despite being in such an advanced age of technology and social media. It is of utmost importance to encourage young people not to commit suicide.

When addressing our children, “our tongue has the power to build or destroy” and we need to be mindful of what we say, when we say it and how we say it. The words we speak can be sharp or soothing. Being careful about what we say to our young people could contribute to their success or, on the other hand, could contribute to them giving up. Every parent should accommodate their matric kid by checking on them regularly and offering support. Let your kid know that you are there for them and don’t put so much pressure on them that they break. And appreciate the work your child has done.

Parents are required to give emotional support for their children, and must check on them continuously but not in a pressurized way. Kids writing matric may display signs of stress through moodiness, tiredness, sleepiness, perspiration etc. In supporting their matric children, parents can reduce their chores, check on them, ensure they are eating and sleeping adequately, as well as drinking sufficient water, make sure that they are presentable at all times, set up their schedules for getting them to their exam venues of time and keep the lines of communication open.

But what about kids who are in matric but are just not interested? Dr Gamede said that those who are not putting in the work they are supposed to be putting in require continuous encouragement by parents “showcasing the future” in a positive way, so that the student will be willing to work hard. Don’t use words like “useless” in describing their results, instead try to build them up. “If you bruise my ego, I’m going to be bruised; if you brush my ego, I am going to feel better and I will want to work hard,” is how kids feel.

Matric learners should embrace and celebrate the fact that they are writing their exams. As much as they want us to be proud of them, they should be taught to be proud of themselves. It is essential for matric students to pace themselves when studying. As a learner, don’t put too much of pressure on yourself, focus on what you have learnt and your workload, and don’t become overwhelmed by the fact that you are writing this final examination. Dr Sanele says “it’s possible because it’s doable”. Previous results and reports should not be a deterrent for a learner. It’s never too late and effort can still be put in, right up until the end.

Many kids in SA are not only dealing with academic pressure, but also economic and lifestyle factors that makes it difficult to study. Generational poverty in rural areas has a huge impact on learners and while most of our kids don’t have these challenges, there are many who do. In accommodating their children, parents are required to make certain sacrifices to lessen their children’s challenges and improve their circumstances in order for their results to improve.

Dr Gamede is also the founder of Make a Mark Africa Youth Development, an NPO that provides mentorship for young people across the country. They are holding a summit from the 5^th to the 8^th December for people interested in youth development, to recruit young people who will provide support to matriculants at a time when they are stressed and confused.

So what about paying tribute to parents of matric learners? Parents also feel different types of pressures: they are worried about their child’s emotional well-being and mental health; they have the fear of their kids committing suicide, fear about their futures and kids becoming independent; and fear of their kids going into tertiary institutions and getting influenced by people from other faiths and cultures. There are concerns about moral values and spiritual development; balancing worldly success with spiritual goals; and pursuing career related goals while holding fast to Islamic practices. Parents try to guide their children while managing their own personal issues and dealing with other home issues and financial struggles. Amongst the greatest pressure for Muslim parents is bringing up a spoilt and entitled generation so while parents strive to do their best, they should know that all outcomes are from Allah alone.