Effective communication is important for both the husband and the wife. However, in the context of Women’s Week, the advices will be directed at the husbands. That does not mean that the wives cannot take the advices as well.
Effective Communication from the Sunnah – Pay attention to the tone and volume
When speaking, as husbands, we need to beware of our tone and the volume of our voices. Our tone determines whether we will make our relationship or break it. Any undesirable loudness in our voice could put our spouse off and make any further attempts to communicate futile. Allah mentions in the Quraan…
وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِنْ صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنْكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ
“And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.” [Qur’an: Surah Luqmaan, Verse 19]
Our tone tells the truth even when our words don’t, even when we’re unaware of that truth ourselves. And it’s our tone to which others respond. We can even say “I love you” in a way that provokes bitterness and then innocently argue we’re being unfairly attacked when our spouse quite rightly responds to our tone rather than our words.
What we think we hear in another person’s tone is almost always present. And if our spouse accuses us of an attitude or feeling we don’t think we have, what they have to say likely represents something you need to hear.
When a wife responds to her husband negatively or in ways other than what he wants or expects, rather than criticizing or attacking her, he should pause to reflect on how his tone (and therefore his underlying feelings of the moment) may have caused the reaction he received.
Remember not all days and situations are the same
A husband needs to consider the different situations and circumstances when communicating with his wife. As they say ‘understand the room’.
Its healthy to use slang words and joke around in the marriage as this brings a couple closer. However, there are times when this should not be used. If a lady has lost a family member, when deciding on when to leave for the funeral, don’t use sang. It’s very disrespectful. If she is crying because a new recipe that she tied didn’t work out, that is not the time to joke about it.
Jokes and slang etc. can do wonders for a marriage but it can cause major damage if used at the wrong time.
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