Complaining to Allah

When we are in pain, what do we do? Do we complain? Are we even allowed to complain?

No shame in pain

We don’t need to be ashamed of expressing our pain, hurt and difficulties to Allah. There is no need to feel guilty when in doubt, nor when we are struggling to cope. Instead, pain and struggles are a part of our humanity. A part of our vulnerable reality which makes us seek Allah’s Help and Closeness. After all, Allah knows what is in our hearts, much more than we do. Then who are we hiding the pain from? The real thoughts and feelings from? The real doubts from? Certainty comes from facing our doubts. We purify the heart when the tongue brings forth its true contents. Our worries need to gently find a way out through our tongues, and that frees up space for conviction and gratitude to enter the heart.

Having patience or gratitude does not mean we should not speak the truth about our sufferings or any abuse we have to bear. We see in the Quran that Allah’s chosen ones did honestly share with Him what they were experiencing, and they were not reprimanded when they did so. Take the story of Maryam RA for instance. When she cried out that she would rather be dead, Allah did not chastise her in the verses He revealed to us about her story. Nor did Allah remind her immediately of the constant blessings of food and protection she had always been given. Instead, she is told not to despair and is offered practical advice to manage her situation.

Or take Surah Yusuf where Allah ﷻ in His revelation describes to us in detail the agony of Yacob AS over losing his son. He becomes blind. His family questions him if he will ever cease from remembering his son, but Yacob AS replies back to them that He will continue lamenting to Allah. Yacob AS even tells his children that he knows they are not speaking the truth, showing that he is open about his grief, and honest about the wrong that was done to him. Even Ayyub AS who has been referred to as the patient one, has taught us a beautiful dua, in which he is honest about his anguish:

Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful. [Al Anbiyah – 83]

Patience is in steadfastness

From the Quranic stories above we learn that Allah acknowledges that sometimes His Will for us will lead to suffering. He is not expecting us to be happy with the pain, but with His Will. These are two different things. His Will, we accept it; as for the pain, we endure it. Patience then is not contentment with hardship; rather, it is steadfastness in hardship. The pain we experience is as real as the test of faith we are undergoing. It requires perseverance, and the strength to persevere comes from knowing that Allah acknowledges our pain and that He understands and cares. It is true that Allah does not burden us more than we can bear, but He does burden us nevertheless. When Allah Himself does not deny that we undergo difficulties, then who are we to deny the distress we, or anyone else, is going through.

As for contentment, it is trust in Allah’s divine plan for us. Contentment is feeling sure that this will work out for the better, that despite the difficulties right now, our affairs are still being taken care of.

Blessings should fill us with love, not guilt

Allah reminds us:

And be patient over what befalls you. [Luqman, 17]

We are reminded to be patient, because despite the many blessings He continually bestows upon us, sometimes what befalls us is difficult to bear. Unfortunately though, often times when someone expresses sorrow, we tend to barrage the complainant with ‘this and that blessing of Allah’. In doing so, we are turning Allah’s blessings into toxic ‘enemies’ of the believer. Allah’s Bounty becomes the very substance that suffocates us., the very reason why we cannot speak our truth and are expected to silently live with pain and/or abuse.

Allah’s blessings should not make us feel guilty, but loved. They are a sign that He cares, that He Provides, and that He will show us the way out. The good things that happen around us shouldn’t negate or deny the ‘bad’ things. Instead, good things should give us the strength to manage the ‘bad’ things.

The way forward…

So don’t be afraid. Go ahead and lodge that official complaint with Allah. Don’t ask others why Allah is doing this to you. Take the courage to fully focus, and ask Him – and take the time and words you need for emotional honesty. This will help open up your heart for incoming guidance. Your concerns and heartaches will be taken with love and understanding. Remember though, that often times the way out requires sincere courage. At that point, strengthen yourself with a compassionate reminder of His Blessings. Look around you and within you. His countless favours are not to shame your vulnerability, but to remind you that He can give abundantly. Be assured, that when He has given so much, He can surely give you more.

Finally, I must emphasize how necessary it is to have a complain-friendly clique. It can do wonders for you. A small group of close family or friends who won’t judge your Iman by the volumes of tears you shed, but instead, will lovingly pay attention to every detail of your complaint, and offer practical solutions while validating your struggles, and reminding you that Allah will reward you for your perseverance. Those who know how to uplift you when they remind you that “surely, Allah is with those who are patient” [Anfal – 46].