Rabia Mayet | rabiamayet@radioislam.co.za

25 August 2025

4-minute read

Philanthropist, nurse, mother and grandmother, Sister Zohra Mayet Bismillah says that her journey began when she started studying nursing in 1976 and qualified in 1980. A huge achievement in the apartheid years, when becoming a nurse was “taboo.” Over the years, she has worked at many hospitals including the Rahima Moosa Hospital, previously known as Coronation. Sister Zohra says that 48 years later, “I still live my dream,” waking up cheerfully every morning and going off to hospital to serve her community.

But Sister Zohra shares a concern that many people in our communities are faced with, and that is the growing concern of young women entering into marriage with unrealistic expectations. These expectations stem from social media influence, changing societal norms, personal aspirations and lavish standards and desires that young people today want to live up to. These can lead to disappointment and put undue pressure on relationships.

Lots of young couples face challenges from the offset as many prepare for the wedding day but not for the marriage. Parents are supposed to guide the young bride and groom on their roles and responsibilities within marriage, teaching them to inculcate mutual respect, trust, and communication in their relationship. The couple should find a balance between aspirations and reality in order to build a strong marriage. Although the focus on the modern lifestyle is different, the basics shouldn’t change because as Muslims, we have the foundation of the Sunnah from which to build our marriages on.

Young couples also need to acknowledge that social media is not the reality. Disappointment and frustration fester from unrealistic expectations and can lead to conflict and misunderstandings. The influence of materialism and societal comparisons also destroy marriages. Men feel emotionally drained and financially burdened when having to keep up with the Joneses.

Sister Zohra advises young couple to understand that once they are married, they “are now a team”. Essentials like communication, compromise, empathy, supporting each other, and being flexible and understanding should be incorporated into the marriage, because a marriage must be based on faith instead of fantasy. Treasure your partner, respect him, be there for him, is Sister Zohra’s massage to young women. “Marriage is not a competition” but rather “a beautiful road.” Never speak of your home out of your home, be genuinely happy for others, don’t be envious because what has been ordained for you will come to you, “laugh together and cry together,” and live within your means, not beyond your means. Don’t take household tasks like cooking and cleaning as a burden – do it for Allah’s pleasure and you will be rewarded, she says.

As for mother’s-in-law, Sister Zohra encourages them to help their daughter’s-in-law – teach her, help her, guide her and love her as a daughter. Life is not a competition, and it is important accept the circle of life.

What happens after marriage is another cause for concern. The widows in our community have to face the painful period of iddah upon the death of their husband, and on top of that, they are suddenly stigmatised. These women get ignored: they don’t get acknowledged, they face social isolation, grieving and emotional trauma, financial struggles, dependence, lack of support systems and resources. As a community, we need to support them and spend time with them because all they want is a listening ear. Just be there for them because “touch is therapy,” says Sister Zohra. Give the widow time in her own home for her iddah – give her time to grieve, accept, and come to terms with her single status, before having to make decisions when her iddah ends. Don’t uproot her! As her child, don’t displace her and take her into your home because it is convenient for you. Sacrifice 4 months and ten days to give her the honour and respect she deserves.

Islam has elevated the status of widows but cultural and societal norms, as well as financial constraints, the lack understanding and application of Islamic values has taken that away from her. As a community, we should show kindness, compassion and support for the widows. Don’t question her, give her time to grieve and adjust, and let her know that you are there for her. Help her out financially if you can. If you are the son or daughter and inherit from your father when he passes on, use your inheritance to help your mum instead of fighting over it.

Doing for the pleasure of Allah SWT is what drives Sister Zohra every day, and she makes dua to serve her community until her last breath. She takes inspiration from the African proverb: When the shepherd comes home in peace, the milk is sweet. As her concluding words confirm: “When we keep our homes peaceful and tranquil, we can all live up to our full potential.”

Listen to the full interview with Sister Zohra Mayet Bismillah and Apa Tasneem Saith here.