Rabia Mayet | rabiamayet@radioislam.co.za

05 February 2025

5 minute read

Self-harm is defined as “the act of deliberately hurting oneself as a way to cope with emotional distress, overwhelming feelings or mental health struggles. It is not usually a clear suicide attempt but rather a maladaptive way to manage difficult emotions.”

Educational psychologist Yasmin, who is currently studying towards a PhD with self-harm as her focus of research, says that self-harm covers a broad range of behaviours that include cutting, burning, biting, hair-pulling, nail-biting and scratching, and taking harmful substances, all without suicidal intent. It usually starts in children around the age of 12 but has been noted to start as early as 8 in some children. A person self-harms when an “intense feeling of pain and distress” is experienced but the recipient feels emotionally numb and cannot react to it, so he or she responds physically through self-harm for the pain to validate their “need to feel human.” In most cases, kids who self-harm have been exposed to it on some level and that pushes them to try it themselves as a coping mechanism.

Self-harm is often well hidden as it is generally carried out on parts of the body where it is not noticeable. Yasmin says that there are indicators that your teen is self-harming to look out for, such as:

• Being overly secretive
• Locking room doors
• Marks on the body that were not there before
• A drop in interest in activities
• Seeming startled when approached without prior notice
• Withdrawal from family or activities
• Mood changes
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Avoidance of social interaction
• Making excuses for injuries or behaviours
• Dressing to cover up their bodies

There are misconceptions that only specific personality types get caught up in this type of behaviour, but according to Yasmin, “it does not leave anyone out.” The wide array of stresses facing the new generation like being accepted by friends and family, relationship difficulties, conflict within families, misunderstanding between parent and child, negative thought patterns, and bullying, can lead to self-harm.

The first steps to effective intervention for your child or teenager:

1. Give your child or teenager your full attention and open up a safe space for them to come to you for help
2. Explain yourself and communicate with your child
3. Stay informed in order to guide your child when he or she is going through challenges
4. Employ and teach your child coping strategies
5. Don’t force your child to stop as this is unrealistic
6. Talk about self-harm to your child in a supportive and helpful manner
7. If you can’t help them yourself, get help from a professional
8. Let them know how you are feeling and how they are making you feel
9. Tell them that you are worried about them
10. Stay calm, listen carefully, and don’t judge your child
11. Let them know that you are there for them
12. Teach them the value of their body
13. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a good mode of therapy
14. Keep fidget toys or distractions like ice-cubes to hold, elastic bands to snap, stress balls to squeeze, punching bags to punch, to take your child’s mind off the intense feelings that they do not have an outlet for
15. Teach them to exercise or get active
16. Find mindful activities and things to ground them
17. Find solace in connecting with Allah SWT through dua and salaah.
18. As parents, look at the behaviour and not the individual.

Self-harm is a reality that unfortunately has become a trend, but not one that is going to go away any time soon, says Yasmin, and it should not be trivialised. Instances of self-harm and self-injury are prevalent across the world, and this makes it a cause for concern. Intervention by a professional, objective person is necessary to help the patient deal with their emotions through the correct avenues. Communities can also help by facilitating spaces for people wanting to self-harm to receive the treatment they require. So instead of self-harm, children and teens need to self-care to manage intense emotions.

Listen to the full interview with Faaiza Munchi on New Horizons.