Rabia Mayet | rabiamayet@radioislam.co.za

11 February 2026

3-minute read

Naëtt Atkinson used to be in educational publishing before her interest in “people hearing each other” led her to follow her true calling as a seasoned mediator, conflict coach and divorce preparation specialist.

While traditional models of conflict resolution don’t seem to work anymore and the approach of divorce lawyers needs to be revamped, people like Naëtt, although not lawyers, come in to assist the procedure of divorce to go smoothly. Her job is to sit with one of the parties and look at the best strategy to go forward, discussing things like what the person’s mediation says, whether they feel confident or not, and what to listen out for. “I’m somewhere between your lawyer and your best friend and your psychologist,” she laughs.

During a divorce, when emotions run high, it is difficult for either party to think clearly and logically. Added to that is the duration of the divorce that can drag on for months.  “Once you’ve got all your ducks in a row, then you can spend all your time at a lawyer,” who you may not even need, says Naëtt. Often, it is the woman in the marriage who has become disempowered and finds it harder to get the process moving forward practically.

The first factor when going through a divorce is where you’re making your decision from. “You don’t negotiate a settlement on emotions,” she points out, “you negotiate a settlement on facts.” She suggests giving yourself grace, so decisions are not based on anger, revenge, or hurt. The second thing is the importance of getting emotional help, so that you can adequately address the three fears of divorce which are family, finances and future. Thirdly, grow some emotional resilience so you do not see divorce as a failure. And finally, remember that you can be emotional and still make good practical decisions with the right guidance.

In an uncontested divorce where both spouses agree to the terms of the separation, the process takes about 3 months, but in a contested divorce, it can take up to 5 years.

Naëtt shared these practical steps to divorce before seeing a lawyer:

1. Visit a divorce prepartion specialist to guide you through this critical life change.
2. Admin is a big part of getting divorce, so get important documents together like your marriage certificate, the type of marriage you have, and an asset and liability sheet.
3. Write your own timeline.
4. Divorce without the drama! Do not let anger and resentment take over, and don’t use the kids as weapons.
5. Divorce with dignity by not responding or reacting to everything that is thrown at you.
6. Take your time to work out what is important to you before taking the next step.
7. Keep the future in mind and do not become overwhelmed.

There are three ways a person must “find themselves again” when going through a divorce:

• Finding yourself when you know this marriage isn’t good for you anymore,
• Finding yourself during the divorce, and
• Finding yourself after the divorce.

Listen to the full program with Sister Faaiza Munshi and Naëtt Atkinson here.