Apologise Part 2

Apologies are Difficult!

The second reason why we find it difficult to apologise, is that we feel that if we apologise, it is a sign of weakness. We tend to think that a strong man is that man who stands his ground even when he’s wrong. That may be according to somebody else’s standards but not according to our standards. Rasulullah ﷺ taught us about having beautiful character.

The advice Rasulullah ﷺ gave Muaadh bin Jabal RA was, أَحْسِنْ خُلُقَكَ لِلنَّاسِ “Beautify your character when you deal with people”. Part of the beauty of having a good character is to have strength in character. And it is only a person who is strong in character who can admit that he was wrong, even though his ego dictates otherwise to him. So, admitting we are wrong when we are wrong is not a sign of weakness, but is rather a sign of emotional and spiritual strength. It indicates that we understand what Allah wants us to do and what is in accordance with his Nabi’s example, and we are able to generate the emotional strength to utter those difficult words and say, “I am sorry.”

The third reason why we are reluctant to apologise, is because we feel embarrassed. This is natural. It is a human quality. If we did something wrong and then must stand up in front of our teacher and the entire class and say, “I am sorry,” it is difficult and embarrassing. People may laugh or smile sarcastically, yet, sometimes, to suffer a little embarrassment is worthwhile in the long run. Some people don’t apologise, and they lose the relationship.

Some people don’t apologise, and they lose the moment and the opportunity. You may save yourself the embarrassment, now, temporarily, but on the day of Qiyamah, when the person you have wronged claims what is rightfully theirs, the embarrassment will be far deeper, greater, and more intense. Imagine the embarrassment when you will have to give from your good deeds to that person whom you had wronged, because you did not apologise and seek pardon whilst you had the opportunity, and whilst you were still alive in this world. Do not worry about the embarrassment; value the relationship, do what is right. Do what Allah wants you to do.

The fourth reason why we are reluctant to apologise, is that this Nafs and the ego is such a thing that, even if you did something wrong, and deep down you knew that what you did was wrong, the ego starts to generate excuses. It says, “I was provoked,” or “I do backchat the teacher, but the teacher is also very harsh.” If you were wrong, you were wrong. Own it. The other person, even if they had been wrong, is responsible for that wrong. You are responsible for your own wrong.

The emphatic message is, “Say sorry”. Apologising is powerful.