Your end goal won’t just magically appear. Here are ways to figure out how to get there.

Because you won’t just wake up and change your life, you not only need a plan for what to do, but also for what roadblocks you’ll come across along the way.

If you’re trying to form or break a habit, experts suggest breaking down that habit into its three parts: a cue, a routine and a reward.

For example:

Bad Habit: Spend too much time on social media.

Cue: I feel isolated.

Routine: I check my social media.

Reward: I feel connected.

Way to change the behaviour: Instead of checking your phone, get up and talk to a colleague.

What about if you have a really bad health habit?

Bad Habit: I smoke.

Cue: I’m tired.

Routine: I smoke a cigarette.

Reward: I’m stimulated.

Way to change the behaviour: Instead of smoking a cigarette, replace the stimulus with something else, like coffee.

Or if your habit affects your whole day?

Bad Habit: I don’t get enough sleep at night.

Cue: I feel like I need time to myself in the evening.

Routine: I stay up too late busy with my phone.

Reward: I’m entertained.

Way to change the behaviour: Instead of staying up late, carve out special time each day to spend by yourself, even if that may mean asking for help with your children or taking a break from work each day.

Make it Personal

Of course, the cue and routine for a common bad habit, like smoking, is as individual as the person trying to quit. You may need to do some work to figure out what the real cue for the habit you want to change is, and then what will replace it.

Both the cue and reward should be easy and obvious. Let’s look at one example in depth. For running, a cue could be just putting on your running clothes, even if at first you don’t do anything after that. Oftentimes when people have never exercised before, and researchers are working with them to get them to exercise, the first week is: You should just put on your running clothes. Don’t even leave the house. Then add the first step in the new routine: Put on running clothes, walk around the block. You want to create an environment where you’re making very slow progress that is guaranteed to deliver victories to you.

And then the reward at the end of the action must be an actual reward, too, so that it reinforces the routine and makes you want to do it. Otherwise your brain won’t latch onto the behaviour.

But while your plan should be realistic and encouraging, it should also allow for inevitable hurdles that are going to crop up. Any resolution plan should include room for mistakes. You’re there for the long haul. You have to expect slip ups. There will be times when you will say, ‘I’ll make a mess of things and I’m just going to start again tomorrow.’ Don’t berate yourself. Focus on what you’re doing good for yourself rather than what mistake you made.