Renewal of the Heart and Soul
Phase 3 – Cleansing the Soul: Letting Go to Grow
Letting Go of Grudges
This morning my colleagues spoke about forgiving others for the sake of Allah. We understood that forgiveness is not about condoning wrong; it is about freeing our own hearts. We learned that the ability to forgive is directly linked to Allah’s forgiveness of us.
But knowing we should forgive and actually letting go of a deeply held grudge are two different things. The mind may agree, but the heart resists. The grudge has become comfortable. It has become part of our identity. Releasing it feels like losing a part of ourselves.
Today, we speaking about the practical process of Letting Go of Grudges. How do we actually do it? How do we release the weight when every fibre of our being wants to hold on?
First: Understand What a Grudge Does to YOU.
Before you can let go, you must truly understand what holding on is doing to your own soul. A grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It does not harm them. They may not even know you are angry. They may be living their life peacefully while you lie awake rehearsing conversations that will never happen.
The Prophet ﷺ warned us about the spiritual damage of holding grudges:
“لَا تَبَاغَضُوا وَلَا تَحَاسَدُوا وَلَا تَدَابَرُوا وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللَّهِ إِخْوَانًا”
“Do not hate each other, do not envy each other, do not turn away from each other, and be slaves of Allah as brothers.” (Sahih Muslim)
Hatred and turning away from others are spiritual diseases. They block the light from entering the heart. They prevent the peace that Ramadhan is meant to bring.
Second: Separate the Act from the Person.
One of the barriers to letting go is that we define people by their worst moments. They hurt us, so they become “the one who hurt us.” We forget that they are complex human beings — with their own wounds, their own struggles, their own regrets
Allah describes the believers as those who:
“وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ”
“Who restrain anger and who pardon the people — and Allah loves the doers of good.” (Surah Al ‘Imran, 3: 134)
Notice: Pardon the people. Not just those who deserve it. Not just those who apologized. The people. All of them. Because pardoning is an act of ihsān — excellence. And Allah loves those who do good.
Third: Make Du’a for the One Who Wronged You.
This is the most powerful practical step. When you make du’a for someone, your heart toward them softens. It is impossible to pray for someone’s guidance, forgiveness, or well-being and continue hating them with the same intensity.
The Prophet ﷺ would make du’a even for those who persecuted him. When the people of Ta’if threw stones at him until his body bled, he prayed:
“اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِقَوْمِي فَإِنَّهُمْ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ”
“O Allah, forgive my people, for they do not know.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
He did not curse them. He did not wish them harm. He asked for their forgiveness. This is the highest level of letting go.
Try it tonight. Sit on the Musalla, mention the name of the person who hurt you and say: O Allah, forgive them. O Allah, guide them. O Allah, bless them. Say it even if you don’t feel it at first. The feeling will follow the action.
Fourth: Remember That You Also Need Forgiveness.
None of us is innocent. We have all wronged others — knowingly or unknowingly. We have all said things we regret. We have all been the cause of someone else’s pain. And we hope that those we have wronged will forgive us.
The Prophet ﷺ asked his Companions RA:
“أَتُرِيدُونَ أَنْ تَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ؟”
“Do you want Allah to forgive you?”
They said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said:
“فَلْيَغْفِرْ بَعْضُكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ”
“Then let some of you forgive others.” (Ahmad)
Forgiveness is a two-way street. The forgiveness you extend to others is the forgiveness you are inviting for yourself.
Fifth: Cut the Cord and Move On.
Sometimes letting go means accepting that you will never get an apology. That the other person may never acknowledge what they did. That justice may not come in this life.
But there is a greater justice coming. On the Day of Judgment, the ultimate Judge will settle every account with perfect fairness. You can trust Him with that. And while you wait, you can choose to live in peace rather than in bitterness.
Allah promises:
“وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِّثْلُهَا ۖ فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ”
“The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto, but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah.” (Surah Ash-Shura, 42: 40)
His reward is with Allah. Not with people. Not from the one who wronged him. From Allah directly. And Allah’s reward is greater than any apology you could receive.
The grudge is heavy. It was never meant to be carried. Lay it down at the door of Ramadan. Walk into the remaining days light, free, and at peace.
Repel evil with good. Let go. Be free. And watch how Allah transforms your heart.
May Allah grant us the strength to release every grudge and the peace that follows. Ameen.
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