Parenting is not easy; each parent has a different parenting style. Parenting comes with no handbook. A controlling parent, also called an authoritative or helicopter parent, poses all kinds of challenges for the child. Radio Islam International spoke to Junaid Bhayat, author, lecturer, trainee, entrepreneur, and performance coach from Durban.
Over-controlling parents interfere excessively in their child’s life, not allowing them to make their own choices or decisions, which restricts their independence.
Bhayat said, “Generally, you’ll find these kinds of parents will micromanage their children’s activities.”
Parents’ expectations of such children are very high, and by the age of 14 or 15 years, they start to rebel. Bhayat said this kind of parenting stems from how the parent was raised, their fear and anxiety due to the dangerous times we live in, as well as the cultural upbringing the parent had.
According to Bhayat, times have changed, and so should parenting styles to adapt to the world we are living in.
Bhayat said, “There are three factors of success in the child’s life, number one, the values and principles that get instilled in them; number two, the choices and decisions they are making; number three, discipline; having set times, routines, and structure.”
Parents need to step back and allow children to make their own decisions. According to Bhayat, children often make the wrong choices, and this is when the parent should step in and be there for the child, working together to fix the problem. Children learn from their mistakes, allowing them to become more confident. Bhayat said over-controlling parents are critical of their children; they expect things to be done their way.
All parents want the best for their children; however, sometimes, they set very high, unattainable goals for their children. Bhayat believes each child needs to be looked at individually to determine where their strengths and weaknesses lie and set appropriate goals. Parents need to listen more, to have well-adjusted, well-rounded children. Compromise and communication are crucial to be a good parent in today’s day and age.
Listen to the full interview on Your World Today with host Annisa Essack here.