Self-love vs Perfectionism

For many people, the concept of self-love is an overblown theory and they often ignore its importance. For many people, self-love might sound like a luxury rather than a necessity — or a new-age fad for those with too much time on their hands.

Ironically, however, self-love is needed by all, especially those who work too hard and who are constantly striving to surpass themselves and grasp the phantasm of perfection.

Most of the time, when we’re being too hard on ourselves, we do it because we’re driven by a desire to excel and do everything right, all the time. Studies have shown that perfectionists are at a higher risk of several illnesses, both physical and mental, and that self-compassion might free us from its grip. Therefore, perfectionism and self-compassion are inextricably linked.

Most people have been raised to believe that perfectionism is a great quality to have. After all, being obsessed with perfect details leads to perfect work, and this personality trait gives us the opportunity to humblebrag during job interviews.

In reality, however, perfectionism is bad for you.

Remember that happiness is something that each individual, irrespective of race, colour or creed, is entitled to, not something that you need to earn. Even the United Nations adopted a resolution recognizing that the “pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human goal.”

Modern society is shaped in such a way that we are sort of bound to constantly compete against each other, or even ourselves. We are always trying to reach our short-term goals and trying to better ourselves to match the expectations set upon us by society. Many of us are guilty of working long hours and getting less sleep each night; we travel the extra mile and feel content that we have achieved perfectionism. We grind in and out every week; even during the weekend ‘relaxing’ and ‘having a good time’ seems like a chore. As a consequence, we end up being too hard on ourselves all too often without even realising it.

Love is the only thing that keeps us going and makes us less robotic in a world which requires us to work, think and act like we are programmed bots. Everyone needs love and we spend most of our energy on loving others — be it friends, spouses, children or family.

We all like to spread the love, but the question is — do we produce enough for our own selves?

We cannot always expect to rely only on external sources for love and that is where the concept of self-love comes in. A person who practices self-love will never need to depend on others to be happy and it is an empowering feeling to be happy on the inside.

Self-love is not being selfish; it is just putting yourself first and not being too tough on yourself. So next time you hear that little voice in your head telling you that you are not good enough or that you cannot afford to make mistakes; just ignore it.

The first step of self-love is realising that we are only human and it is okay to make mistakes; it is okay to lose at times; it is okay to not have the best day…week…or month.

All we need to do is love ourselves and let the negative things pass through; eventually things will change and bad times will pass.