Rabia Mayet | rabiamayet@radioislam.co.za

04 March 2026

6-minute read

Why do women feel guilty when they rest? Why does being “busy” feel like a badge of honour? From juggling careers and homes to being the emotional anchors for everyone around us, many women live in a constant state of doing. Productivity has become our identity, and slowing down almost feels uncomfortable… even wrong. This article unpacks the pressure women place on themselves to always be busy, the fear of falling behind, and how this constant motion affects our mental, emotional, physical and even spiritual wellbeing.

Nazia Saley is a life coach who works closely with women to help them find clarity, balance and a healthier relationship with themselves. She says that being busy is not a good thing when it is based on keeping occupied so that we don’t have to face what’s inside us – “when we’re constantly doing, we don’t have to feel!”

As women, many of us feel uncomfortable when we’re not busy, because we have been taught from a young to suppress our feelings and hold everything together, thus using busyness as a coping mechanism. Staying busy keeps us from having to face emotions like anxiety, anger and resentment that we don’t want to feel. This results in the nervous system associating “stillness with danger,” so that when we eventually do pause, we immediately feel unsafe.

Being busy has become something we wear as a badge of honour. A lot of it is inherited as generational trauma from watching our parents constantly doing certain things. Being known as a hardworking woman, where work equals effort, where if you’re exhausted after a long day means you’re worthy, has made busyness into an identity.”  “Become comfortable with the discomfort,” says Nazia, and stop thinking that if you’re not busy, you’re not achieving, because we are human beings, not human doings.

Move from busyness to calmness – slow down, find peace in being present in whatever you’re doing. Stay in the moment; relax, breathe and tell yourself; “Right here, right now, I’m just doing this.” If you can consciously stop your mind from “rushing to the next thing you need to do,” you can stop and change the way you usually do things.

Nazia poses the question, if you stop doing whatever it is you’re doing right now, would you feel purposeful or just uncomfortable? “Productivity is intentional and mindful,” she says, it is being present in all actions. While distraction may look like productivity, it is actually reactive, it is “movement without intention,” a type of emotional avoidance. It is not necessarily achieving something meaningful, rather it is doing something to escape your own thoughts.

Society asks women to be constantly busy, especially in these modern times. Going back to the basics and focusing on the routine Islam has given us is the answer. But nervous system regulation and mindfulness take time to master. Once we learn it, we can teach it to our children and break the cycle so that they do not suffer this idea of busyness being right.

The emotional cost of constantly being in “go mode” and from overriding your emotions for so long is a feeling of disconnection. Suppression will eventually resurface as anxiety, burnout and resentment, and even manifest as physical illnesses like cancer and ill health. Connection to Allah requires stillness and reflection. Burnout is not random; when we stop listening to the whispers of our body, our bodies will start screaming. This will lead to a type of breakdown where we will have no choice but to rest, in a way that we do not want to.

Social media exposes us to the curated highlights of people’s lives, and even if we don’t fully believe them, these comparisons still affect our lives. This pressure then turns into discouragement or resentment. The solution to this is to mute or unfollow, because the more you see, the more you believe, and the more it affects you.

Women who stay home are judged by their families and by society. They can find peace within themselves if they understand why they’re choosing to do this. Nazia advises us to shut down the noise; know ‘my business, their business, and Allah’s business’; stay in our lane and do what we need to do while letting others do what they need to do. If you’re happy doing something, stick with it; and be comfortable with your choice.

While we have been taught to prioritise everyone else over ourselves women can set boundaries without feeling selfish or guilty by firstly acknowledging the guilt and knowing that it’s normal and then choosing “discomfort over resentment.” To deal with the guilt, get a life coach, journal, or take a walk to clear your head. Put the oxygen mask on for yourself before helping others! When you have the tools to break the cycle, you will show up with intention and not resentment.

So, what does a healthy, balanced life realistically look like for a modern woman juggling multiple roles? “A healthy life doesn’t mean perfect balance every day,” says Nazia, “it means flexible balance”. Life is unpredictable. “You can’t have balance without boundaries,” so allow yourself room for mistakes and “choose progress over perfection.” It all begins with a positive mindset, Nazia concludes, so even if life is not balanced in the way you expect it to be, you will be able to handle everything with mindfulness.

Listen to the full interview with Faaiza Munshi and Nazia Saley here.