Apologise Part 4

Why Apologise?

Firstly, it creates humility within a person. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. In a Hadith, Nabi SAW says,

كُلُّ بَنِي آدَمَ خَطَّاءٌ

Every son of Adam is a sinner.

You are not right every time. You cannot be. It is not expected of you to be always right. But Nabi SAW went on to say,

وَخَيْرُ اَلْخَطَّائِينَ اَلتَّوَّابُونَ

The best of those who do wrong are the ones who admit to the wrong and ask for forgiveness.

Obviously, we ask forgiveness from Allah, but we also must ask forgiveness from the person whom we have wronged. When you apologise it creates humility within you. It makes you understand where your weaknesses are. Otherwise, you will never better yourself as a human. Apologising makes you take responsibility for your actions.

The second benefit of apologising is that it makes us more cautious, because apologising is not so easy for a human. We are not going to commit the same action again knowing we will have to apologise for it.

The third aspect, and this is very important, is that it melts the tension and hatred in that relationship which has become strained. So, something occurred between us and a person, the relationship has taken a strain, and now there is tension present in it. When you say that you are sorry you can almost see the tension melt or evaporate. It is almost literally like you can see that person’s whole demeanour, their attitude, approach, all the anger, bitterness, and venom, just dissipate. It all just evaporates with the simple words ‘I am sorry’.

The next benefit is that an apology disarms the person of their anger. Anger is not a good thing. So, when we wrong somebody, justifiably, they become very angry. And sometimes, when the victim is angry, they can retaliate in a way that is worse than what was done to them. So, when we say we’re sorry, we disarm the person of that anger.

The final benefit amongst many others, is that it secures you respect. Earlier we had discussed that people feel reluctant to apologise because they feel it will be embarrassing and demeaning. Conversely, when you apologise, people will respect you. They will say, “It takes a big man to say I’m sorry.” Big in character. It takes a big man to say, I am sorry, and there is no action for which you cannot say you’re sorry. That is the system of Allah. There is no action that’s too large to offer an apology for.

Look at what the brothers of Yusuf AS did to him. They took him from the lap of his father at a young age and threw him in a well. He was sold as a slave. He was accused of being unchaste. He spent many years in jail. Now, that is what he endured as a son but imagine what his father had to endure. His father cried so much that he lost his eyesight. He lost his vision! Yet when everything was uncovered Yusuf’s AS brothers came to their father and they said,

يَا أَبَانَا اسْتَغْفِرْ لَنَا ذُنُوبَنَا إِنَّا كُنَّا خَاطِئِينَ

O our father, ask for us forgiveness of our sins; indeed, we have been sinners. {Surah Yusuf, verse 97}

And what a father, Yaqoob AS was! He said,

سَوْفَ أَسْتَغْفِرُ لَكُمْ رَبِّي

I will ask forgiveness for you from my Lord. (Surah Yusuf, verse 98}

He said I forgive you. Not only must we be willing to apologise, but when you are the victim, and someone says sorry to you, accept the apology sincerely.  Yacoob AS said, “Okay boys, I accept your apology and I will ask Allah to forgive you as well.”  So, if you don’t crush your ego, and apologise, the consequences in this world and the next will be very painful.

There is a quote which reads: The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive, is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest. That you are willing to apologise, is a sign of courage! The first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest. The message, summarized in one line, is “Say sorry; apologizing is powerful.”

{Extracted and adapted from Volume One of the book In Pursuit of Purpose by Ml Sulaimaan Ravat}