Apologise Part 5

What Does a Sincere Apology Entail?

Let me tell you that a sincere apology is not the way in which most politicians apologise! When they get caught doing something wrong, or when they say that which people deem offensive, they say, “If I have offended you, then I apologise.” In other words, what they are saying is, “I don’t think I did anything wrong but if you feel that I did do something wrong that’s your problem. Nonetheless, to close the matter I will say sorry.”

That is an insincere apology.

The first thing an apology entails is that you must be able to admit to yourself that what you did was wrong. Even before you approach a person to offer an apology, you must be able to admit to yourself that what you did you did was wrong. It is not an easy thing to do. Today, even in the corporate world, it is said that part of EQ or Emotional Intelligence is that you know yourself. When you attend leadership workshops, there is an entire session dedicated to ‘Know Thyself’. To ‘know thyself’ does not mean how tall you are, how much you weigh, or how handsome you might be. No, ‘know thyself’ means knowing your strengths and your weaknesses, both emotionally and spiritually. So, we must be able to admit to ourselves firstly that what we did was wrong. Many a time, we create an internal defence system, where we just close off walls and become defiant: ‘No, No! I was right! They are all after me!’ And we go on to accuse others of victimizing us. We must admit to ourselves that we were in the wrong.

Secondly, we need to hasten in apologising. We cannot do something now and apologise ten months after the act, when nobody may even remember what we did. Hasten in apologising.

Thirdly, don’t apologise to secure a benefit. Do not say to the teacher, “I’m sorry,” because you don’t want detention. You should not say “I’m sorry” to your wife because you don’t want to go to bed hungry. Say you are sorry because you mean it.

On a lighter note, there is an anecdote about a husband and wife who had an argument. Shortly after, the son walked in and he said,” Dad, help me with my homework.” His father asked him, what homework it was. He said, “Afrikaans. I must translate from Afrikaans into English.”  “Alright, what’s the sentence?” asked the dad. The son says, “The good, the bad, and the ugly. How do you say that in Afrikaans?” The father responded, “Ek, my vrou en my skoonma!”

Don’t apologise to secure benefit. Show genuine remorse. Know that your body language speaks louder than what you are going to say. Do not just say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Look the person in the eye, show remorse, and let them know that you regret what you have done. Do it sincerely and show empathy.

So, when the need arises to apologise, say sorry with sincerity and empathy. Apologising is powerful.

{Extracted and adapted from Volume One of the book In Pursuit of Purpose by Ml Sulaimaan Ravat}