Rabia Mayet | rabiamayet@radioislam.co.za

15 July 2026

7-minute read

Trauma isn’t always the result of one life-changing event. Sometimes it develops quietly through difficult childhood experiences, unhealthy relationships, loss, neglect, or prolonged stress. Left unaddressed, these experiences can influence the way we think, communicate, parent, trust others, and even how we see ourselves. Without realising it, pain can be passed from one generation to the next.

The encouraging news is that cycles can be broken. Healing is possible. With awareness, support, and intentional choices, individuals and families can begin to create healthier patterns, stronger relationships, and better futures.

With a background in psychology, child and youth development, and education, Naseera Seedat “just wants to make a difference in people’s lives.” She is both a teacher and a wellness counsellor who believes in meeting people where they are, to create a compassionate space for growth and healing.

When people hear the word “trauma,” they often think of major life events. From Naseera’s perspective, “trauma is actually less about the event itself and more about how our mind and body experiences things that happen.” When our ability to cope is overwhelmed, trauma develops. It can show up in everyday life without people even realising it through people-pleasing behaviours, issues of trust, anxiety, perfectionism, avoiding conflict, and struggling to relate emotionally.

Breaking the cycle of trauma means becoming aware of the patterns that are passed down through generations and consciously choosing a healthier way of responding. We often parent the way we were parented, or communicate the way we learnt to, or cope the way we’ve been taught to, and Naseera says that familiar behaviours like silence, criticism, blaming and emotional distancing may even seem normal to us. Once we recognise these patterns, we can begin to make the effort to replace them with healthier habits. Some people even take trauma to the other extreme, wanting to be the opposite of what they experienced in their lives. You need to find the balance that works for you, says Naseera, in order to break the cycles.

Childhood experiences are a blueprint for shaping the adults we become. Children who grow up criticised and feeling emotionally unsafe may struggle with confidence and find it difficult to trust others. Childhood trauma can lead to you becoming overly attached to your spouse or pushing people away so that you don’t expose yourself to vulnerability. You may want to be completely different to your parents, but in stressful situations, you would often react the exact same way that they did. Some people worry that they’re destined to repeat those same behaviours because of the way they were raised. But Naseera says that awareness makes you stop and choose your response instead of merely reacting to a situation. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is permission to be learners instead of performers.

Trauma also affects the nervous system. Things like not sleeping well, waking in the middle of the night, eye twitches, breathlessness, and overthinking all affect the nervous system which in turn affects a person’s overall health. Unresolved trauma can also show up in auto-immune illnesses, getting sick often, fatigue and even pain. Naseera says that change is possible through hard work and conscious effort, as “our brains remain capable of learning throughout our lives, and our nervous systems can heal.”

A healing journey begins by:

1. Recognising patterns – look out for signs that there are issues that need to be resolved.
2. Acknowledging them – become curious about emotional reactions, journal to identify recurring triggers.
3. Understanding where they come from – learn about trauma from reliable sources.
4. Learning coping strategies – turn to Allah, pause and reflect in salaah, exercise, practice mindfulness, speak to a counsellor or psychologist.
5. Processing painful experiences.
6. Avoiding blaming others for your unresolved trauma.
7. Gradually building new habits.

“Progress is more important than perfection,” Naseera commented. There will be ups and downs along the way, but resilience will get you through, and you will learn to take it day by day. Every time you practice a new response to a challenging situation, new pathways are being developed and strengthened in your brain.

The most common misconception that people going through the process of healing from trauma have, is that they’ll never feel pain again. “Healing doesn’t erase the difficult memories; it changes your relationship with them so that they no longer control your life,” says Naseera. Another misconception is that healing has a ‘deadline’ – but healing happens at different rates for different people. Asking for help is another myth, and reaching out requires courage. In reality, humans heal from safe, supportive relationships, where families, friends and the extended community all become part of the healing process.

Naseera emphasized on being open about trauma and facing the reality of lived experiences instead of brushing them aside or covering them up. “Your past may not explain your pain, but it does not define your future.” Every small choice you make – pausing before acting, asking for help, forgiving yourself, showing kindness – will help you to heal as a person, break the cycle and find your way back to yourself.

Follow Naseera Seedat’s Instagram: @empower360za

Listen to the full discussion with Faaiza Munshi and Naseera Seedat here.