Rabia Mayet | rabiamayet@radioislam.co.za

24 June 2026

7-minute read

When we hear the word “abuse,” many of us immediately think of physical violence. We picture bruises, injuries, and visible signs of harm. Yet one of the most damaging forms of abuse often leaves no physical mark at all. Emotional abuse is a form of harm that leaves no visible scars, yet can deeply affect a person’s sense of self, confidence, and wellbeing.

Emotional abuse occurs when a person uses words, behaviours, or manipulation to control, intimidate, humiliate, isolate, or undermine another person. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse can be subtle, making it difficult to identify and even harder to speak about. It can occur in marriages, families, friendships, workplaces, and other relationships, leaving individuals feeling isolated, controlled, diminished, or trapped.

Faaiza Seedat, founder of FS Elysian Counselling & Trauma and Tension Release, has dedicated her life to helping others navigate emotional wounds, build resilience, and reconnect with their inner strength. Through both her professional work and personal journey of healing and self-discovery, her mission is to create safe and compassionate spaces where healing can begin and hope can be restored.

Faaiza said that emotional abuse is referred to as “death by a thousand cuts,” and mentioned that many people do not treat it as a form of abuse because it does not leave visible scars. Yet, it has long-term effects and can affect anyone, often coming from the people closest to us, those we love and depend on. While every relationship experiences normal disagreements and conflicts, emotional abuse differs in that it is used to manipulate and control; allowing one person to gain control over another. This erodes the victim’s identity, self-confidence and self-worth, leaving him or her feeling anxious, isolated and confused.

Emotional abuse may be overlooked or dismissed, especially in marriages and family relationships. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse often develops gradually. It may begin with subtle criticism, controlling behaviour, constant negativity, or attempts to make someone doubt themselves. Over time, the victim begins to believe they deserve the treatment or that the abuse is somehow their fault.

While many victims are aware of the abuse they are being dealt, sometimes, when the abuse begins in childhood especially, these behaviours are so normalised that they are not recognized as abuse. Constant criticism, harsh words, favouritism, comparison and silent treatment are accepted as discipline and part of family life and are not recognised as abusive interactions, leading to lasting emotional wounds that continue into adulthood.

While children may not be the direct targets of emotional abuse, they often witness it in the adults they live with. What they are exposed to growing up impacts their emotional development and their own future relationships. Children who grow up in “emotionally unhealthy environments” lose their confidence, become anxious, feel they are not good enough, struggle with self-worth, and constantly feel that they must earn love and attention.

Many of these children “may unintentionally repeat the behaviours that they witnessed while growing up,” Faaiza reiterated. So, how can the cycle be broken? When adults become cognisant of their words, actions and the emotional environment they create, they can change the outcome.

Within a marriage, signs of emotional abuse are:

• Repeated criticism,
• Humiliation,
• Having your feelings dismissed,
• Having to always be careful of what you say or do,
• Controlling behaviours,
• Silent treatment, and
• Being made to feel like you are never good enough.

Faaiza advises to regularly ask yourself how you are feeling when you’ve had an interaction with certain individuals. Look out for feelings of anxiety, worthlessness, fear, confusion, and being emotionally drained. While healthy relationships can be challenging at times, they should never leave you feeling disrespected, unsafe or undervalued.

Emotional abuse affects a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and mental health. As repeated criticism builds up over time, a person begins to believe the negative messages and self-doubt sets in, thus losing trust in his or herself. Living in a constant state of stress from prolonged abuse can affect a person’s physical health, leading to auto-immune illnesses, fatigue, chronic pain, disrupted sleep, headaches, muscle spasms and digestive problems.

Unfortunately, the issue of emotional abuse is still a taboo subject in our society, said Faaiza. Women are expected to be a certain way, and most women stay in abusive relationships, not because they are weak, but because they have hope that things will improve, because they fear that that will not be able to cope on their own, and because they fear being judged. “Abuse is not subjective to people from a certain background,” Faaiza emphasized, and can affect anyone from any background.

Manipulation tactics are tools that play a big role in emotionally abusive relationships in the following ways:

• Gaslighting – causes a person to question their own memory, judgement and perception, and the reality they are living.
• Guilt-tripping – makes the victim feel responsible for the emotions and decisions of others, leading to him or her acting out of guilt, fear or obligation.
• Silent treatment – used as a punishment, disguised as concern; it leaves the victim feeling so anxious and desperate to restore the relationship that they accept blame and over-apologise.
• Controlling behaviour – affects a person’s independence and ability to make their own decisions.

The common factor in all these tactics is that they undermine an individual’s ability to trust themselves. They begin “doubting their instincts, questioning their feelings and losing confidence in their own judgement.” Unlike healthy relationships that encourage open communication and mutual growth, manipulative relationships create fear, confusion and dependency.

Signs of manipulation to look out for:

• Doubting your own feelings,
• Constantly apologising for things that you are not responsible for,
• Feeling guilty for boundaries you set.

Faaiza pointed out that while care and concern respects a person’s choices and empowers him or her, control limits the victim’s choice and disempowers him or her.

For someone who has been emotionally abused for a long time, the healing journey is possible, and seeking support is not a sign of weakness, but part of tawakkul – putting our trust in Allah and making use of the resources to help us heal. Healing does not mean forgetting what happened, but no longer allowing what happened to control who you are. Practical first steps towards recovery begins with:

1. Recognising the un-healthiness of what you’ve experienced
2. Validating your feelings
3. Reaching out by speaking to someone you trust
4. Rebuilding your confidence within yourself compassionately
5. Patiently giving yourself time to heal.

“When we heal, we communicate differently, we build healthier relationships, and we break unhealthy patterns for future generations,” Faaiza concluded. No-one has to carry their pain alone, and there is no shame in reaching out for help. She believes that healing is not a destination but a journey, and no one should ever have to walk it alone.

Listen to the full program with Faaiza Munshi and Faaiza Seedat here.