I survived the first fast, it was not that bad really.  In the past, I was the sort of person who would ask Muslims who fasted, “not even water?”  Now I realise that when you do not think about food all day you have a lot more time.

My first Iftaar felt as if I came out of a battle, I did not feel but rather I felt tired.  Fatima gave me a date, my very time tasting one. We had sliced cucumber and a glass of milk before we proceeded to pray the Magrib prayer.

After the prayer, I felt sadness wash over me.

“Sam, what is wrong?”, Fatima asked.

At that moment as I sat on my prayer mat, I realised my contentment, the peace I had started to enjoy and the wonderful closeness I felt to Allah.  It was at that moment that I wished that my parents were here or at least my brother to share in my joy, to embrace the Deen. Mark, my sibling who had been so close to would no longer speak to me.  I felt the weight of my sadness and tried to make light of it.  “I’m not sure why it was such a big deal, Fatima, but I do miss my family.”  “I just want them to understand and experience Islam too.”, I said with a heavy heart.

“I can only imagine how difficult it must be to not have your family around you, but you can sincerely ask Allah to soften their hearts, bring them to understand your choices, in sha Allah.” “Dear Sam, Allah has told us that He will test us. This, my love, is one of your tests.”

She began to share the story of Musa (AS), who grew up in the home of Firoun, the tyrant king. And when he proclaimed that there was no God but Allah, Firoun was angered and threw him into the dungeons. Musa A.S was tested many times. “Yusuf A.S too suffered at the hands of his family.”, she said. “But they persevered with patience and faith.”

And Fatima sat then explaining to me how everything came from Allah and that we should be grateful for every blessing and calamity that He brought to us. Each was a test, but it was the turning to Him, how we choose to bear those difficulties — with patience and trust in Him, that would see us receive His mercy and blessings.

“Reach out to your parents, invite them for Iftar them over, maybe even for Iftar.”  “Extend that olive branch. They are your parents you have a duty unto them until the day you die. Being Muslim doesn’t mean that you have to forget them, being Muslim means showing them how Allah has guided you and who knows maybe this is Allah’s way of having you invite them towards Islam.”, she said softly.

I decided then to try. My hands trembled as I placed the call, and I felt the dread of rejection wash over me as the call connected.

“Hello.”, the unmistakable voice of my mother and I felt the teardrops, fat, and hot run down my face.

Fatima squeezed my shoulder as she encouraged me with a gentle smile.

“Hello, Mum.”, I responded, the tremor in my voice unmistakable.

“Sam, are you alright, is everything okay?”, Mum asked, concern filling her voice.

I broke down then, sobbing into the telephone, “Mum, I miss you so much.”

The silence was loud in my ear, and I realised that I needed to say what was in my heart. “Mum, are you well? How’s Dad and Mark doing?”

She took a few seconds to respond, but when she did, there was no mistaking the sadness she felt. “They’re fine, Sam. Still trying to work out why you left us, rejected our way of life.”, she trailed off.

I suddenly felt afraid that she was going to hang up, so I hurriedly responded, “Mom, can we talk for a minute, please?”, I sounded like a teenager about to come clean over a wrong I had done.

The line crackled but she remained on, listening. “Mom, we’re living in such an unprecedented time. This pandemic is devastating. Can we perhaps meet and talk, please?”, I pleaded. The silences stretched agonisingly.

“Mum, please don’t shut me out. I just want a chance to explain, to let you see what I have now and how happy I am.”, my tears fell untethered as I begged my mother.

The silence stretched on for a few seconds, but I heard the soft sob, and I knew that I had somehow, made headway with my mother. As she sniffed back her tears, she agreed to talk to my father and brother, to consider my invitation to Iftar.

With a teary, smile and trembling voice, I said my goodbyes, “I love you, Mum.” I heard the sobbing as the call disconnected, and I felt sad and happy all at the same time!

As I placed the phone into the cradle, I realised that Fatima had never known a proper family, a mother to whom she could turn during times of need. Oh, Allah, I was so caught up in my misery that I had forgotten about my dear sister. A woman who had taken me in supporting me and gently pushing me toward Allah.

I ran to her and gave her a warm, loving hug whilst I asked Allah to reward her for her comfort, support, and constant prayer for me. I also asked Allah to heal her pain and grant her all her good intentions and needs.

She hugged me back as I recounted to her what had transpired with my mother. She looked at me smiling, “Sam, Allah is Al Fatah, the opener of hearts and in sha Allah, He will bring you and your family together. Place your trust and faith in Him and algamdoelillah, He will respond.

As we sat chatting the adhaan for the Esha prayer was called, and we both ready ourselves to claim our success.