No one ever tells you that getting back into a routine after your haidh is immensely difficult, particularly the fasting. Some say that females are blessed as they get a reprieve. Well, if they haven’t walked in our shoes, then they would have no idea of the difficulties women face regarding getting back into the “swing of Ramadan.” I wanted my First Ramadhan to be perfect, but it didn’t work out as I wanted.
Although Fatima visited daily, I needed to go back to our apartment to ensure that my learning could get back on track. The nagging feeling of losing out stayed with me, and when I expressed this to Muallimah, she said I should see it as a blessing.
Muallimah explained that Allah is Al-Hafeedhu; He protects us and guides us. She added that my intentions were sincere, and therefore, Allah would reward me for them. She made dua that my thirst for learning about and following the Deen was always in my heart.
I made a promise to myself that I would try harder to learn the Arabic letters, so I could begin reading the Qur’an in Arabic and to increase my dhikr.
For Mum, some days were good whilst others were not. I did my best to help her through her challenges, and often, I prayed she would find Allah to gain the solace I enjoyed as I worshipped Him and turned to Him when I was in need. More importantly, I feared that she would leave the dhunya without accepting Islam. Most of the new Muslims I met felt this way, too, especially as we knew the consequences.
Mark seemed to have accepted that I would give up my share of my father’s estate to him, on condition that our mother stayed in her home until she chose otherwise. I offered to take care of her other needs as they arose, and Mark could contribute as he saw fit. Mark was not too pleased as he felt that Mum received a pension from the State, which was enough for her. It broke my heart to think my brother would choose wealth over our mother.
Fatima agreed that I had made the right decision as I earned well and was happy to support my mother. She and Umme gave me the low down on the blessings I would earn for making this choice.
Sadly, although Mark is my only sibling and Islamically my protector, he is not Muslim and therefore not obligated to take care of me. I once again marvelled at Allah’s mercy and wisdom.
Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakil – ‘Allah is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us. What an excellent Guardian and Protector He is!’ Rasoolullah sallallahu alayhi wasalam taught us that a single verse Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel, can be a source of all strength and comfort!